A Court of Guns and Glass
by A.J.Kester
Summary: Real world AU. Feyre and Rhys are together and just trying to get through "normal" life. Non-linear plot line.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters in this story. They all belong to the wonderful Sarah J. Maas

 **A.N.** So, this is only my second real fanfiction on this account. Kind of wanting to play it by ear, so if you like it _please please please_ drop a comment to let me know that if I should keep going.

 **Nightmare**

I watch as he is pulled away from me. Tamlin holds me by my arms as I scream. I can't get out. I need to get out. I need to get Rhysand. I need to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything is going to be okay. I need Tamlin to let go of my arms.

Suddenly the feeling of being shaken forces my eyes open. I can't see anything, blinded by the darkness. I writhe around and use my arms as weapons to attack whoever is shaking me. After mere seconds my hand meets something solid. I hit at it. A curse is muttered.

"Damn it Feyre, stop. It's me, it's Rhys." I stop struggling and let my eyes adjust. As they do his form becomes clear in the darkness of our bedroom. First I see just his general form, but soon his face becomes clear. His violet eyes are filled with worry as he holds my shoulders and studies my face.

"What, what happened?" My voice is raspy and my throat feels like someone emptied a vacuum cleaner into it.

"You were screaming." He lets go of my shoulders and leans back so he's sitting on his knees. He runs his hands through his damp black hair that hangs in his eyes and curls slightly. "I couldn't get you to wake up." His hands stop and he rests his face in them.

I reach out to him and grab one of his hands. I take my other hand and start caressing his sweaty skin. I bring it to my lips and kiss the back of his hand. I look up at him, and feel my eyes widen.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. He weaves his other hand through the golden hairs that hang around my face.

"C'mere." He says as his hand finds the back of my head and pulls me to his chest.

I drop his hand and wrap my arms around his waist. His arms curl around my shoulders and he buries his face in my hair. I nuzzle him and place light kisses along his neck. His left arm leaves my shoulders and curls under my thighs, allowing him to pull me onto his lap. I hook my hands around his shoulders and hold him tighter.

"What was it?" He whispers into my ear, his breathe ghosting the shell of my ear.

"Tamlin. He was taking me from you again." His grip on me tightened as I felt his muscular arms flex.

"What happened?"

"He had me, and he was holding me. I couldn't get away." I take a deep breath. "And then he shot you. Not to kill you instantly, but so that you could bleed out." Tears threaten to spill out of my eyes. "And then Lucien pulled your body away. As he dragged you I could see the blood on the floor. I fought them but I couldn't get to you, I needed to get to you." The tears spill over and they work their hot way down my cheeks. "There was so much blood."

"Shh. Fey, its fine. It's over. I'm here." I swallow.

"Tell me he's gone."

"He's gone. You got away."

My words are hardly more than a breath. "Tell me the story again."

I can feel his smile as he shifts so that he is sitting cross legged and I'm completely on top of him, my legs draped over his right leg, my torso curled into broad chest.

"Once upon a time there was this girl. She was tougher than nails and the fiercest hunter you'd ever meet. Her family had hit a hard time when all of her father's money went away in a Ponzi scheme, but this girl, she just kept going." I start tracing the tattoos on his chest with the tip of my finger. He shivers but keeps talking.

"The family was living in this one bed one bath apartment in Bothell, and it was just a bad time. Her dad wasn't making any money, and the girl and her two older sisters where starving."

"Why didn't the sisters help?" I whispered, knowing the answer.

"Well you see, the older sisters were spoiled rich girls who didn't know how to budget and had no actual skills to speak of. So, this girl had to provide for her family. At first it was just little things, getting food and clothes from her school, making sure her dad filed for his food stamps, that kind of thing. But soon, it wasn't enough for the family, and the girl became desperate. She began shoplifting."

"What happened then?" I muttered as I began to kiss along the black swirls of his tattoos.

"She got caught."

"Mhmm." He lets out a deep sigh.

"Fey, I can't do this with you sucking on me." I pick my head up and look at him.

"Alright." I lean my cheek against him and motion with my left hand for him to continue.

"So this cop who arrests her decides that he's going to take responsibility so he takes her to his house in one of those dinky little Seattle suburbs. She technically can't leave his house but you see, this guy lives right next to a nature reserve, so the girl starts hanging out there. During this time she also teaches herself how paint."

"What about her family?"

"Oh yeah, the cop guy insist that her family is taken care of, but won't tell her how or where they are." I nod against him. "So anyway, this goes on for a while, but then this lady from the DA sues the girl. She drags her through court and all the while the cop does nothing."

"Where does the girl go?"

He bumps me. "I'm getting to it." I smile. "So at this point the girl is in jail. And since her cop boyfriend is a loser the state gives her an attorney."

"What's so special about this attorney?"

"Well, for one he is devastatingly handsome." I look up at him and he wiggles his eyebrows at me. I laugh. "But everyone hates him because they know that his family is involved with the Italian Mafia. So, this attorney tells the girl that he'll get her out of jail on one condition: that she go on one date a month with him."

"And, why did the attorney make this deal?"

"Well because he was being forced to sleep with the nasty DA lady, and he couldn't help but find himself falling in love with the scrappy girl in the orange jumpsuit."

"So what happened next?"

"The attorney won the girl her freedom and she went back to the cop."

"But then she started spending time with the attorney, and became increasingly disillusioned with the cop." I say, taking over. He smiles down at me. "Then one day the cop locks her into his closet to keep her from getting out. So she has a panic attack, and in her fumbling fails to dial the hotline, but instead calls the attorney. So the attorney comes to her rescue and whisks her away from evil Seattle and back to his beautiful hometown: Brooklyn." He laughs. "Once the two are there, they fall in love with each other for real."

"What happens at the end?" He whispers into my ear.

"They get married, and live happily ever after." I whisper back.

 **A.N.** Once again the future of this story depends on you, all i need is for one person to tell me to keep going, and I will.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters in this story. They all belong to the wonderful Sarah J. Maas

 **A.N.** Hey so here's the second chapter. Read, enjoy, and review. Also _please_ read the A.N. at the end of the chapter, it has a very important question in it.

 **Nap time**

They're sitting there in our old green recliner, both sound asleep. Rhys has himself in that perfect position where he is leaned far enough back to balance her on his chest, yet not far enough for her head to not be properly supported.

I pull out my phone and snap a quick picture. I don't think I'll post this one, it can just be for me. I push my phone into the pocket of my bathrobe and bend down to grab the mostly empty bottle that Rhys set on the floor next to the chair. Once I've put the bottle in the sink I just stand there and look at them. My family. The two most important people in my world.

I've looked at Rhys so much it seems like there's nothing new to him, but as I stand there and stare at them I still can't believe it. I can't believe that we made that tiny little thing asleep on his chest. I can't believe that she's here and that she's real, and that we finally did it.

I love her so much. I love her more than words can describe and I want to protect her from everything. I remember how I was so terrified at the beginning, my own mother having been such a disappointment. I never want to disappoint her. I want to earn her love and respect, but she's still too young to understand that. Hell, we haven't even gotten to the point where I can wear real clothes again. I'm suddenly stricken with how lucky I am to be an artist, how lucky it is that I'm able to make my own hours.

Rhys took some time off, but he's a partner at the firm now, he has to work hard and make the money. I know that he still regrets letting himself be in Amarantha's pocket for so long. Although something I've strangely come to like, is the protection that his ties with the mob give us. I know that no one is going to touch my daughter and get away with it, she has at least a dozen men wrapped around her little finger already, at eighth months old. Her father included.

Wow, her father. Rhys and I are parents. Real, serious parents.

I remember the moment I told him that I was pregnant. It was both one of the best and most terrifying day of my life.

* * *

I'm pacing around our apartment. I've already determined that we're going to move all of the boxes in our second bedroom to our storage space and turn the room into the nursery. It's just so crazy, I can't wrap my head around it.

We weren't even trying, it just kind of happened. One day our forgetfulness took over and I ended up pregnant.

Pregnant.

There is the beginnings of a human inside my body. That's just insane. Like, I am growing a _person._ And this person is going to walk, and talk, and have opinions and thoughts and that just blows my mind.

I hear the jingle of keys in the front door and I try to remain calm. Its fine, nothing big happened today. I just called that gallery in the city and made an appointment for someone to come and look at my work. Nothing out of the norm. He gets the door open and walks inside. I struggle to not go tell him that instant. I wish I hadn't finished my painting yesterday, if I hadn't I could still be at my studio and he wouldn't think anything of it.

That's when the realization hits me. I was pacing. Around the house. I am standing in the middle of our bathroom. I hear the refrigerator open and I groan inwardly. If he's in the kitchen it means that I won't be able to pretend like I was not in here. But now what to do. If I just walk out he'll know that I was pacing.

"Fey, do you have any ideas about dinner?" He asks. I hear his footsteps nearing the door. Without even thinking about it I lift the lid off the toilet and sit down. He stops at the door and gives me a funny look. "What's wrong?" I give him this crazy person laugh.

"Nothing silly. Why would you think that?" He lifts his right hand and points at me.

"Well you're currently sitting on the toilet with your pants on." I look down and curse myself. Of course in my flurry to pretend to be using the bathroom I forgot to pull my damn pants down.

"I know." I say, staring at him. Cursing myself again for not thinking of a better comeback.

"Well okay then." He says as he starts turning around. "Guess I'll just give you a minute to" he pauses and gestures at me "finish up." He finishes turning and walks back into the other room.

"I'm not crazy." I call after him.

"Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that babe."

"It's just the hormones." I blurt out before I can stop. I stand up then, no point in still pretending.

"Mhmm. Those crazy period hormones." He mutters. I walk over to look at him. He's got his entire head in our freezer and he's digging for something.

"More like those crazy pregnancy hormones." He drops the box of frozen egg rolls that he was holding. He straightens and looks at me.

"What?" His voice is strained.

"I was late, so I peed on a stick today." I walk over and pluck a grape out of a bowl of them that's on the counter. Rhys's jaw is hanging open. "Oh, I also called that gallery. I'm meeting with someone next Wednesday so maybe we should go out that night." I finally meet his eyes.

"You're pregnant?" His voice is whisper.

"Yep." A grin spreads across his face. The next thing I know I'm in his arms and he's lifted me off the floor. He laughs at the squeak that comes out of me.

 **A.N.** Hey, so in this chapter I mention that Feyre and Rhysander have a kid. I have no idea what to name this kid. If you have _any_ thoughts or feelings about what the kids name should be, please _please please_ let me know either in the comments or in a pm. (The kid is a girl, if you didn't catch that in the chapter)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. All of it belongs to Sarah J. Maas

 **A.N.** Thanks so much to everyone who tossed their hat into the naming ring. I went with Viktoriya which is the Russian, Bulgarian, and Ukrainian spelling of Victoria. Just so you all know, the selection was unbiased. I put all of the recommended names on a list with the names I was already toying with and chose which one sounded best in the story. I did use Illyria, which was an idea from Flora Silverthrush, as Feyre and Rhys' surname, so thanks for that. I appreciate you all so much and I will let you know if I need help with anything similar in the future.

 **Near Death Experience**

I stare at my nineteen month year old. I'm trying really hard to get my "tough mom" look down. The entire goal of the look is to get her to eat the damn banana in front of her.

"Eat it." I say in a dark voice. She just stares at me with those big purple eyes she got from her dad. "Viktoriya" I threaten again. She burps, then erupts into a fit of giggles. I let an angry groan.

"What is it now?" Rhys asks, almost entirely dressed for work. He's got his crisp white shirt and nice black slacks on. His black blazer is draped over his arm and he sets it down on the back of one of our dining chairs. His crimson tie dangles around his neck.

"She won't eat her banana." I say walking over to him. I grab the ends of his tie and start pulling it around. "Are you ever going to learn how to do this?" I secure the tie and tighten it around his neck. After pulling his collar down I brush off his shoulders and repeat the process down his arms.

"I know how to do it. The tie just didn't want to like me this morning." He pulls his blazer on.

"The tie never likes you." I walk over and fix him a cup of coffee.

He smiles as I hand it to him. "But it always likes you."

"Well good, at least something likes me." I say while glaring at Viktoriya I pour myself a bowl of cereal and stick some Eggo waffles in the toaster for Rhys.

"Aww, she likes you to." He says sitting down in the chair that I had pulled in front of Viktoriya's high chair. He pushes some of her golden hair out of her face and picks up the spoon that I abandoned. "Alright Vik here comes the airplane. Whoosh." He shoves the spoon into her mouth. I scoff.

"Well isn't someone a daddy's girl?"

"I can't tell if that's an insult or not." He says, continuing to feed Viktoriya.

As I stand there and watch them I can't help but think of how good my life is. I'm so happy now, it's definitely an improvement to then. I shiver as I think about it.

* * *

I don't have time to think about anything as my head is smashed into the tile. I grunt and try to push the massive women off of my back. I have no luck. She grabs my hair, pulls my head back and smashes my face back into the ground.

"This is my f*cking shower you c**t." She screeches at me. I grind my teeth together.

"Where's your name? Last time I checked this could be anyone's shower." She's still got me by the hair and some part of me registers that baiting her probably isn't the wisest decision I've ever made. I mean, she is a hulk of a woman, she could probably kill me if she wanted to.

She's pulling my head back again when suddenly she's yanked off of my back. Despite this new distance she's still got me by the hair.

"Alright, break it up. Come on ladies, get off each other." One of the guards gets me on my feet. I can barely see his face through the blood dripping into my eyes. I've got my head at a weird angle because the other woman still has her hand buried and twisted into my golden hair.

"I'm not on her." I say through gritted teeth.

"Don't you f*cking touch me! Asshole." I think they're trying to get her to let go of my hair. The next thing I know, she's been pushed down and has pulled me onto the ground. My face hits a sink on the way down and everything fades to black.

* * *

"Babe you okay?" Rhys's voice shakes me out of the memory. I smile at him.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just zoned out for a sec." He walks over to me and kisses my cheek.

"Okay, just checking." He moves past me and puts the now empty bowl in the sink. He looks back at me. "What were you thinking about?"

"Just remembering the first time we met." He scoffs.

"Oh, I remember that."

"You do?" I sound more surprised than I probably should.

"Yeah. How could I forget? You were just so perfect in your party dress."

"Wait, when are you talking about?"

"Fourth of July pub crawl. Why? What are you thinking about?" I blush a little.

"Washington Corrections Center for Women. I had my face nearly kicked in."

"Oh yeah. I guess we were officially introduced that day, huh."

"Yep." He laughs. "What?"

"It's just, that time at the prison I was pretty sure that you were the toughest girl I had ever met."

"I wasn't a girl." I say, pouting at him. He reaches around me for his briefcase and kisses my face again.

"You were 19 babe, you were a girl."

"So what, you were already a man?" He gives me his patented "duh" look.

"I was 26, so yeah. I'm gonna say that I was a man." I scoff.

* * *

My eyes feel heavier than usual. As I slowly blink I see that I'm in a hospital. I try to lurch up but find my arms handcuffed to the bed. I let out a very loud groan. And thump my head back into the pillows. I flinch, it hurts more than I expected. That's when a man walks through the open door.

He looks familiar, but I can't place him. He's tall, with black hair that's slicked back, and he's sharply dressed in a freshly pressed black suit. He's got a manila folder in one hand and a black leather briefcase dangling from the other. He's somehow balancing the folder open in his hand and reading something. I cough and he looks at me. His eyes are piercing, they're a deep violet and I suck in a breath. I've never seen anything like them. He snaps the folder closed and drops both it and his briefcase in the chair opposite the bed. He puts his hands on his hips and gives me a lazy expression. It looks to me that he's bored.

"So. You got yourself into quite a scrape huh?" His voice is low. It throws me how casual he is about this whole thing.

"I didn't start it." I snap. He holds up his hands in mock surrender.

"I never said you did princess." I snarl at the pet name.

"Why are you here?"

"Well I'm here to spend time with you. Especially since your personality is so lovely." His sarcasm makes me angrier. I snarl again. He lets out a chuckle and shakes his head. "Actually darling, I'm your attorney." Now it's my turn to scoff.

"What, pretty boy need a big case so he can establish his place in the pack?" His eyebrows rise but he still looks amused.

"More like pretty boy wants to help out the poor girl." I scoff again. He puts his hands on the footboard of the bed and leans into it. "No actually, it's like pretty boy who's drowning in student debt just needs to get paid."

"Are you private or state?" He raises his eyebrows at my question.

"State." I grit my teeth. So Tamlin couldn't even be bothered to get me a good attorney.

"Do you suck?" He shakes his head.

"No, I'm actually pretty good." I nod slightly. He rights himself and grabs the file again. "So you're a shoplifter huh?" I grind my teeth together again and pain shoots through my jaw. He looks up at me, smiles and shakes his head. "Well your case looks pretty easy. The only tricky part is this bit where you've been living with the guy who arrested you." At the mention of Tam I pull at my handcuffs again. His eyes meet mine. "This guy your boyfriend?"

"Yes." Amusement flashes in his eyes and he grins at me but says nothing. I groan. "Can I see him?"

"No. You can't."

"Why not?" I snap. I am completely done with this guy's shit.

"Because right now, the DA is making him her bitch."

"And you're just going to let her?"

"I kind of have to."

"Why?"

He drops his smile and looks at me dead serious. "Because I'm her bitch too."

I narrow my eyes at him. "What's your name?"

"Rhysand Illyria. And don't bother, I already know yours, Feyre Archeron." My hands curl into fists. I remember Lucien making a comment about him, but nothing else.

"Have I ever met you before?" He sighs.

"Yes and this isn't important. Rest up a bit, then we'll talk strategy." He doesn't wait for my response, just picks up his briefcase and leaves. I decide that I am going to hate him.

 **A.N.** No questions today, just hope that you enjoyed the chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer** I don't own any part of Sarah J. Maas' books. I also do not own Seven Nation Army, that wonderful song belongs to The White Stripes.

 **A.N.** So I got a little carried away with this one. Sorry. But there is more of the book characters in it, and some nice Feysand bits. So in this I intertwine song lyrics with the story. I've been playing with this for a while, but if you guys could do your thing and tell me if you like it in the comments that would be much appreciated.

 **A.A.N** If you want to listen to the song just look it up on Youtube.

 **Never Again**

I look fantastic tonight. We both look fantastic. Rhys is in a black suit with a navy button down and a gray tie. I'm in a black floor length gown that hugs my everything. Well, it's technically a 2 piece, but it counts as a gown.

We're attending a police fundraising gala that Rhys' entire firm has been invited too. We have previously agreed that my entire job tonight is to make him look good with his "hot young wife" because he's up for a promotion. We've only been married for five months, but Rhys has reassured me that no one will actually care how long we've been married because I look the way I do.

We took a cab into the city, and now we, a very stylish young couple, walk toward the entrance of the Edison ballroom. A man opens the door for us and we slip inside. After walking through the lobby and into the actual ballroom, our true fun begins.

The place is packed with people. Caterers balance trays of small appetizers and glasses of champagne. I take a deep breath. I absolutely hate these kinds of events.

Rhys' arm wraps around my waist and he pulls me into his side. I close my eyes and lean into him ever so slightly. He's here. He's with me. He hates this too. I open my eyes and turn my head so I can meet his eyes. His mouth is smiling, but his eyes dart around, looking for anyone who might sneak up behind him. He pulls me along the wall until we reach the corner of the room. We look out at the sea of people.

"We're fine. We can do this." I whisper at him. He nods but leans even closer to me.

"Just don't leave me." I smile and nod. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and swallows.

When his eyes open again they look a little clearer. He nods at me and I take him by the hand as start to pull him through the crowd. I know that this is harder than the mob events we sometimes have to appear at. At least there he can put up his mask, here there is nothing to protect him. Well, besides me.

We make it to the bar with only a few introductions and one stop so Rhys could talk shop. The bartender looks at me expectantly.

"Scotch neat, and a black Russian." He nods and steps away. Rhys looks at me quizzically. "What?" I question him.

"A black Russian?" His smirk is small, but I can see the laughter in his eyes.

"Yeah. I like them. You got a problem with it?" He shakes his head but still chuckles. The bartender places the drinks next to us and Rhys reaches into his blazer for his wallet.

"No sir, open bar." Rhys' smirk flashes to a grin before he grabs his scotch and downs it.

He clangs the glass on the bar. "Oh, this is gonna be a good night." I shake my head at him, my golden curls brushing against my shoulders. I pick up my glass and begin to sip at my drink.

Rhys reaches behind my head and fingers the clip that's holding my curls up. "Why did you bother to curl your hair if you were just going to put it up?"

"Because it looks nicer." He scoffs. I smack his chest with my free hand. "And don't question me. I'm your wife now."

"Yes, you are." Something I can't read passes his face as he wraps an arm around me and yanks me into his chest. I let out a little squeak and he presses a kiss into my temple. "You're my wife, Feyre Illyria." I smile at him.

"You just like saying that, don't you?" He grins down at me.

"Yes. I do. And I will never stop saying it." I chuckle at him.

That's when I see her. Out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head slightly to make sure I'm not crazy. No, I'm not. That's her. That's Ianthe. My grip tightens on my drink and I'm pretty sure that I stop breathing. Rhys shakes me a little but I don't move. I don't stop staring at the blond woman in the blue dress with a silver circlet on her head.

"What is it Fey?" Rhys has dropped his voice, picking up on the fact that something is wrong.

"That woman is here." His eyes widen and he mouths "where?" at me. I turn us as naturally as I can to angle him so he can see her. I don't like losing my view, but I feel that Rhys needs to see her. His swallow and tightening of his grip assures me that he has. His other arm joins his first around my waist and he pulls me so tight to his chest that it restricts movement. I struggle to keep the rest of my drink from spilling on him. Puzzlement covers my face as I look up at him. He doesn't meet my eyes though. Something in the same direction as Ianthe has his complete attention, and from the seething rage behind his eyes, I can tell that it's not good.

"What?" I grab his chin with my free hand and try to pull his face towards mine. I fail, he doesn't move.

"Tamlin." He growls. Instantly I chug the rest of my drink, abandon my glass, and wrap both of my arms around his neck. Rhys finally turns his head at that.

"Feyre, did you hear-" I cut him off with a kiss. He shifts a little, and before I can think he's hoisted me up and my feet are off the ground. Someone whistles. I feel Rhys smile against my mouth. More whistles and a few catcalls later we pull away. We're both laughing now. He still holds me so that my heels are inches off the ground. I smile at him and he grins back at me. I feel something inside me warm.

This is him. This is Rhysand Illyria. This is my husband, my equal partner. My mate for life. I never want to let him go.

"Put me down." I whisper loud enough for only him to hear. He sets me back on my feet but doesn't release his hold on me. I forget everything else, standing there beaming at him.

"A glass of Merlot and a vodka rocks please." Her high and tight voice hasn't changed. I watch Rhys' smile drip away and hatred fill his eyes.

"Oh! Well hello there my old friends!" Ianthe squeaks from behind me. I release Rhys' neck and turn around to face her. Rhys keeps both of his arms around me and pulls my back so tight to him that I can feel his abdominal muscles contracting beneath his shirt.

"Hello Ianthe. Long time no see." I reach out my right hand to shake hers. She takes one look at the tattoos that stretch from my fingers to my elbow and recoils from me. A grimace flashing across her face. I love those tattoos though, they match Rhys'. Yes, the actual purpose is to identify me as a mob wife, but I like that they signify our commitment to each other.

"Yes it has been a while." She looks me up and down, a judgmental look on her face. "I see that much has changed about you since then." I remain proud of myself that my smile has yet to falter.

"Oh, not to terribly much. But I'm sure that you don't recognize me without your preconceived and outdated ideas of femininity stuck to me like tar and feathers on a black man." My pleasant grin does not fade, and I say the words as sweetly as I can manage. Behind me Rhys lets out a slight chuckle, the bartender comments "Burn!", and Ianthe sucks in a breath like I punched her. She releases her breath and purses her lips.

"Well at least I have some class, unlike you." With that she picks up her drinks and walks away from us. Rhys lets me go and I step over to the bar. I flag down the bartender and he nods at me.

"Why is she here?" Rhys hisses the words. Another drink appears in front of both of us, and he downs it again.

"I don't know. I wish I did." I put my elbow on the counter and lean into my hand. Rhys puts his hand on my shoulder blades, not propriatal like the hold earlier, but as more of a way to let me know that he's there.

"Hey, let's not let her ruin our night." I nod, down my drink and let him pull me through the crowd.

As we weave our way through people I say hello to everyone I know. There are some of the fellow Mafia women, and a handful of gallery owners. I take a glass of champagne that is offered to me, but don't touch it. I know not to mix my alcohols. Anyway I'm a little buzzed off of my second drink, but not quiet tipsy to the point where everything blurs.

Rhys eventually pulls me onto the dancefloor. And I give him a confused look. No real music is playing, and no one else is on the floor.

He grabs my right hand with his left and places his right on the small of my back before I can protest. He pulls me close and tilts his head down to me ever so slightly. His eyes gleam. That's when the music starts.

I'm gonna fight 'em off  
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back  
They're gonna rip it off  
Taking their time right behind my back  
And I'm talkin' to myself at night  
Because I can't forget  
Back and forth through my mind  
Behind a cigarette

I burst into laughter as Rhys tries his best to get me to dance with him. I'm laughing so hard that I can't breathe and little tears are leaking from my eyes. Rhys lets out the softest chuckle and starts pulling me around.

And the message comin' from my eyes says, "Leave it alone."

"Why are you laughing so hard?"

"It's just, I was kind of expecting something super cheesy."

"This is super cheesy." I've now stopped laughing and shoot him a look. "What? It is."

"It's Seven Nation Army babe, there is nothing cheesy about it."

"It's our song though."

"Yes. And it is our song because it is impossible for it to be cheesy."

Don't wanna hear about it  
Every single one's got a story to tell  
Everyone knows about it  
From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell  
And if I catch it comin' back my way  
I'm gonna serve it to you  
And that ain't what you want to hear  
But that's what I'll do

Someone bumps into me and I turn slightly to avoid doing it again. Rhys and I are still grinning at each other and I don't want to ruin this moment with other people.

And the feeling coming from my bones says, "Find a home."

The dude bumps into me again. I feel my smile fade, and I motion at Rhys to move so this bozo won't bother us anymore. He pulls me back a few paces and I feel like we've lost the person. I'm still pissed though, what kind of idiot can't avoid one of the only other couples on the dance floor?

That's when Rhys shifts so his hands are on my waist. A small smile plays at my lips as I move my hands to his shoulders. That's when he hoists me up so my waist is even with his shoulders. I squeal with delight.

I'm going to Wichita  
Far from this opera for evermore  
I'm gonna work the straw  
Make the sweat drip out of every pore  
And I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding  
Right before the lord  
All the words are gonna bleed from me  
And I will think no more

He puts me down and I'm grinning again. I start to lean in to kiss him but the person bumps me again. Only this doesn't feel like a bump, it's too forceful, to intentional. It feels like a shove, and it makes me knock my forehead against Rhys' chin. I pull away from Rhys to look at him. He's rubbing his jaw in pain but then he freezes. His lock on something behind my head and I see his jaw clench. I swallow, suddenly nervous. I know that look. That's his protective look. That's the look he gets whenever someone tries to hurt me. I try to turn around but Rhys' arms lock me in.

And the stains comin' from my blood tell me, "Go back home."

"Tamlin." The voice that comes from Rhys is so dark it sends shivers down my spine. But it's not Rhys that sends me into a full panic. Into hyperventilating and having to sit down right there on the floor, it's the smooth voice behind me.

"Rhysand."

 **A.N.** Just here to say thanks for reading, and to remind you to drop a comment about what you think of my use of Seven Nation Army in the piece.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer** I don't own any part of Sarah J. Maas' books. I also do not own American Pie.

 **A.N.** Umm sorry not sorry its a day late. I have a life. Stuff happens.

 **Need You Now**

I push against the door of the small closet. My chest is tight and I'm already struggling to breath. I can't believe that he would do this to me. It's not like anything truly bad happens when I spend time with Rhysand, it just rubs him in the wrong way.

Maybe he can tell that I'm falling for Rhys. No, I've hid it brilliantly. He can't know. I still bed him, no matter how much I think of Rhys while I'm doing it. He can't know. So this must not be about Rhys. But if it's not about Rhys, what is it about?

It can't be about Amarantha, she's dead. He is no longer bonded to anyone. But then why has he been so controlling? It seems that the more freedom I want, or deserve even, the more he pulls me in close. So close its stifling me. But he can't see that, he doesn't want to see that. All he wants is to control me. To make me his perfect little wife.

But I don't want him. Not anymore, not for a while now. I've stayed with him for the loyalty. It feels like betraying him if I start to voice my oppositions to how he has been treating me.

I can't eat. I can't paint. I can't do anything except try to be what he wants me to be. But I'm failing. I know that I'm failing. Even if Tamlin doesn't say that I am, I can see it in Ianthe's face.

Ianthe. Damned Ianthe. I can't stand her. She's always telling me what to do and wear and how to be. She doesn't understand that I don't need her. That I don't need her to try and shape me into who she wants me to be.

My mouth has gone dry from the hyperventilating. I can't calm down, it's too tight in here. I'm trapped. I can't get out. I fumble for my phone and grab it out of my pocket. I fail the passcode three times before I finally get the phone to let me in. I look at my hands, I'm shaking. I'm shaking uncontrollably. I swallow, trying to normalize my breathing a little. It doesn't work.

I open up my contacts and scroll through. I don't remember which hotline I have programed into it, but at this moment I don't care. I'll talk to anyone. My shaking fingers make it hard to push the buttons and black is edging into my sight. I need to calm down, **NOW.** I sink down until I'm sitting and I listen to the phone ring. No answer. I hit it again. And again. I call the number at least ten times before I get an answer.

"What the fuck Archeron? I'm in court." Rhys' voice is low as he hisses at me. I swallow again, trying to fund words. I'm still hyperventilating.

"I-I-I-"I can't get any actual words out.

"Where are you?" Rhys drops all of his irritation.

"Cl-cl-clos"

"Closet? Are you in a closet?"

"Y-ye-yeah." He curses.

"Okay. What's going on? No wait, yes or no questions only. Are you panicking?"

"Y-Yes."

"Have you been able to calm down?"

"No."

"Is Tamlin still there?" I hear a door open from his side of the conversation.

"I do-don't think so."

"Yes or no only Feyre." He snaps. I nod even though he can't see me. A car beeps at me through the phone. "Are you shaking?"

"Yes."

"Are you hyperventilating?"

I swallow, trying to calm down. "Yes."

"Okay." Something slams and his voice gets farther away. "Can you still hear me?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'm going to count to four and you're going to breathe in, then I'm going to count again and you're going to hold your breath. The last time I count I want you to exhale. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Okay. And in 1… 2… 3… 4…" I breathe in, letting his voice lead me. "Hold… 2… 3… 4…" I hold my breath. It feels like my lungs are on fire. "And out… 2… 3… 4…" I let out a shaky breath. "Again. 1… 2… 3… 4…" We continue to do this for a few minutes until I'm breathing steadily again. A horn honks and Rhys curses. "Damn traffic. Get out of my f*cking way you idiots."

"What now?" I ask, I still sound a little breathy, but at least I can breathe again.

"Now I want you to sing to me."

I scoff. "You want me to what?"

"I want you to sing to me. Singing takes a lot of breath and effort. You have to think about what you're doing. If you're focused on singing you won't be able to panic."

I let out a soft chuckle. "I don't know many songs."

"That's alright. Sing anything." I take a deep breath and start.

"A long, long time ago, I can still remember how that music used to make me smile, and I knew if I had my chance, that I could make those people dance, and maybe they'd be happy for a while." There are more honks and I stop, my voice cracking, my chest beginning to tighten again. "Rhysand?"

"Keep singing." I can hear that he's gritting his teeth. Probably biting back a thousand curses. Fresh tears join the partly dry ones on my face. I swallow down a sob and start again.

"But February made me shiver, with every paper I'd deliver, bad news on the doorstep, I couldn't take one more step."

"Shit."

"Wh-what?"

"Nothing. It's nothing Fey." I wipe at my face.

"I can't remember if I cried, when I read about his widowed bride, but something touched me deep inside, the day the music died" I finally get chocked up enough to where I have to stop.

"So bye, bye, Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry, and them good ole boys were drinking whiskey 'n rye, singin' this'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die." When Rhys takes the chorus I cry harder. I just realize how into him I really am, and I can't handle it. It only gets worse when he keeps singing. "Did you write the book of love, and do you have faith in God above, if the Bible tells you so? Now do you believe in rock and roll? Can music save your mortal soul? And can you teach me how to dance real slow?"

I'm now crying so hard I can't breathe. That's when I hear the gear change and the car door slam. "Rhy-Rhys?" I stutter out. It sounds like his hand smacks into something. "Rhysand?"

"Well, I know that you're in love with him, 'cause I saw you dancin' in the gym, you both kicked off your shoes, man, I dig those rhythm and blues." He's still singing, completely ignoring me.

There is a slam and Rhys grunts. "Rhysand what are you doing?"

"I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck, with a pink carnation and a pickup truck, but I knew I was out of luck, the day the music died." He grunts again and something cracks. I hear the thump of the broken door both through the phone and from downstairs.

I drop the phone and press myself against the closet door. "Rhys?"

I can only hear him faintly, but I feel myself smiling a little. "I started singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry, them good ole boys were drinking whiskey 'n rye, singin' this'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die."

I bang on the door. "Rhysand!" His name is a scream, the first scream that I've let myself release.

I can hear him opening different doors, looking for me. The idiot is still singing. "Now for ten years we've been on our own, and moss grows fat on a rollin' stone, but that's not how it used to be, when the jester sang for the king and queen, in a coat he borrowed from James Dean, and a voice that came from you and me." I bang on the door.

The next thing I know, he's standing in front of the closet door. His dark hair slightly visible. I push against the door. I'm desperate to touch him, to feel him. I need to have his arms around me.

"Oh, and while the king was looking down, the jester stole his thorny crown, the courtroom was adjourned, no verdict was returned." He's fumbling with the door now, trying to get it open.

At some point he gives up and just yanks at the thing, hard. I squeak, but begin to push from my side. Eventually the lock snaps, the door opens and I fall forward. I land almost perfectly in Rhys' arms. I look up at him and smile. I am surprised by my overwhelming urge to just lean up and kiss him.

"And while Lenin read a book on Marx, the quartet practiced in the park, and we sang dirges in the dark, the day the music died." I push a finger to his lips.

"I don't need you to sing anymore. I'm calm now." I whisper. He smiles at me.

 **A.N.** So read and review! Hope you enjoyed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own any of the characters or original story. That all belongs to the amazing Sarah J. Maas.

 **A.N:** Hey so i don't know if you noticed, but i changed from updating every Monday, to every _other_ Monday. This is just cause life is busy and school is a thing. Anywho read and enjoy the new chapter!

 **No Secrets**

He raises a singular eyebrow at me. It makes me want to hit him even more, I can't do that. He's reclining in the large brown chair that's across from mine. There is a small table between us, and I'm glad for it. Even after knowing him for all this time, he still makes my skin crawl. He reaches forward and picks up his cup of coffee. He takes a drink before stopping to hold it in front of his face. He flashes a grin at me. I glare back and brandish my teeth at him. He has the audacity to laugh.

"Are you going to be pissed at me the whole time?"

"I was in the middle of my wedding ceremony!" His gaze turns serious.

"But you didn't want to be there."

"That's beside the point!"

"Is it?" He cocks his head at me.

I let out a frustrated groan and snap my head to the left. I'm met with the windowed wall of his large flat in downtown Seattle. We're high enough where mostly all you can see is the docks, but I remember from walking over and looking down, that we're only like a block away from Pike Place. I hate myself for it, but I like it here. I like it a lot. There are no restrictions to where I can go, the view is beautiful, and the flat itself is well furnished.

"You're cute when you're angry." At his voice I whip my gaze back to Rhysand. I can't even look pissed, I'm so taken aback by the comment. He's never openly complimented me before, and Tamlin never says anything more to me than the occasional "You look nice." Rhysand laughs. He's now leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, and his hands clasped. His mug is on the table now. "What? Blondie not good with the flattery?" He sounds sarcastic, but maybe too much.

I don't answer, I just stand up, slam my own mug down on the table and walk away.

"Where are you going?" Rhysand calls from behind me. I start to march my way down the only hallway in his flat. There are doors along the walls, and most of them are open, I peak inside to try and see what they are. A bathroom, an extra bedroom, one of them just has a cross-trainer and a yoga mat. I stop my march rather suddenly. I am at the end of the hallway. In front of me are two closed doors, one to the left and one to the right. It feels strange that these doors are closed and the rest are opened.

I can't feel Rhysand's glance so I swallow, and put my hand on the knob of the left door. I have turned it a fraction of an inch before Rhysand materializes behind me. I jump and he puts his hand over mine.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." His voice is full of dark warning.

"Why not?" It comes out as nothing more than a whisper.

"Because that's my office." I turn to face him. We are standing so close that I have to crane my neck into an uncomfortable position so I can look up into his eye.

"And why can't I go into your office?" Something dark flashes across his face, but then he takes a step back, lets out a soft chuckle, and runs his fingers through his disheveled hair.

"Because it's a mess." It feels like he's lying to me. Like he's going to tell me anything just to get me away from this door.

"I don't care about messes." The humor that I knew was false fades from his face.

"I care about keeping my business private." His voice is dark.

"I thought that I knew all your secrets."

"Not all of them." I grit my teeth and stand straighter. My chin is now even with his collar bone.

"That seems unfair. You know all of my secrets."

"I do?" He wraps an arm around my waist. My heart begins to pound.

"Yes." I swallow. I can't fall in love with him. I'm with Tamlin, I'm with Tamlin. I keep repeating my new mantra to myself.

Some kind of dark humor flashes in his eyes. Suddenly he tightens his grip on me and hoists me onto my toes. Our faces are now even and so close that I could just stick my tongue out and lick his delicious looking lips.

I blink and change my mantra. I cannot love Rhysand. I cannot love him. I will not love him.

He smirks as if he knows exactly what's running through my mind. "Even the secrets that you won't admit to yourself?"

I'm so lightheaded now I can't process the question. "What?"

"Stop lying to yourself Feyre, you know that you can't keep this secret inside. You know that you want me, and not Tamlin." As soon as he says Tam's name I am overcome with anger.

"I know no such thing!" I snap. I then put both of my hands on his chest and shove him, hard. It's enough to get him to let go of me and take a step back. As soon as his arms are off of me I stomp down the hall to the living room, which conveniently has the front door next to it.

From behind me I hear Rhysand scoff. "Come on princess, I was just teasing." I don't answer him, just throw my long coat over my arm, my scarf around my neck, and my purse over my shoulder. "You can't leave! We're still on a date!" I whip around to stare at him.

"I can leave whenever I damn well please. This is a DATE as you said. And last time I checked anyone who doesn't want to be a complete ass would let a lady leave. And since we are on a date, you do not get to decide when I leave. Unless of course you want to rape me. And trust that if you try to rape me, I will beat you to a pulp, leave you on the ground and scream 'fire' until I'm a mile away." His jaw drops. "And I most certainly can take you because I've been to prison. So now, I am going to go home. Thank you and I will see you next month."

 **A.N:** So read and review. I love you all! Thanks so much for the lovely comments and all the follows and favorites!


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own anything.

 **A.N:** The AP exams have now come to an end. I've got little over a month before finals so here we go again.

 **Now We're Done**

I swallow, hard. We're staring at each other in tense silence. I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to pound him over the head with a mallet and figure out where the hell I am.

I can tell that I'm in some kind of hotel room. And that the hotel is nice, something like the Hilton on Sheraton. But I don't know anything beyond that.

I grind my teeth together, working hard to keep my snarl unflinching. Tamlin looks at me, kindness in his eyes. But I know that kindness. I know how it works, how it tricks people. I clench and unclench my hands, trying to keep emotions under control. He has the audacity to smile at me.

"You look good Feyre."

"Yeah, healthy relationships agree with me."

His smile fades, and his eyes close. He takes a deep slow breath through his nose. When he opens his eyes again and looks at me, he has false pleasantness painted on his face. "That relationship was not healthy. Rhysand has brainwashed you. He wants to ruin my life, and so he's decided to turn you against me."

I scoff. The pleasantness leaves and he glares at me.

"What?" His voice is dark and full of spite.

"It's just funny to me that you think Rhys would spend that much time on you."

Tamlin starts to rise in his seat. "I only think that, because that's what he's doing."

"No he's not." I keep my tone of amusement. He's full on standing now.

"Yes he is. Why don't you believe me? You insolent woman!" He screams this all the while leaning closer to my face.

I wipe away his spit that found home under my eye, then slowly rise out of my own chair. We now stand inches away from the other. "I do not believe you sir, on account that you are a lying waste of space that watched me waste away and did nothing about it." I keep my voice even but sharp.

"I tried to make you happy!" He still hasn't stopped yelling.

"You tried to make me something I am not. You attempted to change my personality. You never actually bothered to check whether or not I was happy, you just kept shoving me in boxes and throwing away the key." My voice is beginning to rise, so I take a deep breath. Once I am calm again I continue. "You destroyed me. You destroyed me so entirely that I didn't even bother to fight anymore. You broke me. You let me waist away, and what was your solution to the PTSD and depression I was fighting? It was to get married. It was to let your little pet Ianthe take me and turn me into something I was not so that you could be happy. Rhys did not bewitch me as you say, he saved me. He pulled me out of a pit so deep that I thought I would never get out."

His face is now about the same color as a tomato. He is sputtering and spitting. He is staring at me with bulging eyes, but still cannot form words. I lower myself back into my seat. I do not look at him. I look dead ahead.

I am Feyre Illyria now, and there is no way for him to take that away from me. I am an honorary mob wife. I survived prison, emotional and physical torture, and a hell of a lot more. It was all worth it though, Rhys was worth it.

Jesus, Rhys. I wonder where he is right now. What he's thinking, feeling. I can't imagine. For him to get home and find me gone. He probably called me, called Mor, Elaine, and Nesta. Then must've realized I was gone. He must be going crazy. I can imagine him, getting Amren, Cassian, and Azriel organized. I should call him, let him know that I'm safe and that I've got everything under control.

My thoughts are shattered when Tamlin slams his hands down on the arms of my chair and holds himself less than an inch away from my face. I blink and lean back until my head hits the chair.

"You did all of that to yourself." He snarls. Spitting directly into my eye. I keep my calm, and look him dead in the eye.

"Then why was Rhysand able to save me and not you?"

"That man did not save you, he ruined you." I swallow. I will not respond to that. I will not sink down to his level of petty insults. I will not fight him any longer.

Instead I keep my cool and looking him in the eye, deadpan. "I want my phone call." He leans slightly away from me. Obviously taken aback by my demand.

"What phone call?" He eventually snaps.

"When they arrest you, you get a phone call. I thought maybe we could apply the same rules to this kidnapping."

"I did not kidnap you. I stole you back."

I can't hold in my rage any longer. I bolt upright, smashing my forehead into his jaw on the way, and begin to yell. "I'm not a f*cking object for you to take. I can't be stolen or owned. I am a f*cking person you jackass. You would do well to remember who saved your stupid ass from Amarantha. And yes a WHO not a WHAT as you demand to refer to me as. I am a grown ass woman and you will give me the respect that I deserve!"

He rubs his jaw with one hand. Despite the pain, a small smirk adorns his face. I know that this is what he wanted. But I'm so past caring right now.

"Now let me call my f*cking husband!" He freezes then. Stops moving completely and just stares at me.

"You're what?" His voice is low, barely above a whisper.

"My husband you jackass."

He doesn't say anything, just backs away and attempts to sit down in his chair. He misses, and ends up landing on the floor with a thump.

As soon as he's on the ground I'm out of my seat. His phone sits on the table next to him and I scoop it up without caring. I dial Rhys' number as fast as I can and hit call. It stops during the second ring.

Before I can say anything Rhys' dark voice fills my ear. "Wherever you are Tamlin, I will find you, and I will kill you. Do you understand?" I'm about to answer when the phone is ripped out of my hand.

"You can't do anything to me while I have her." Tamlin's voice is just as dark and threatening. But, it doesn't send shivers up and down my spine like Rhys' did.

I can't hear what Rhys says, but I can see that Tamlin doesn't like it. First he balls his hands into fists, then takes a step toward me. I take a step back to keep the distance. He growls, and something flashes in his eyes. The next thing I know, he's got me by the hair and he's yanking me to the ground. Memories flood my mind and I fight to keep my breathing normal. Tamlin is now screaming something into the phone but I don't hear it. My entire world has been overtaken with panic. I cannot think, I cannot breath, cannot move.

That's when someone bangs on the door behind us. It's not the soft knock of a maid either. It's that hard sound that you think could break the door if it tried. The knock helps me to have something to focus on, but does nothing to relieve the panic in my chest. The knock sounds again. Tamlin begins to pull me by my hair towards the bathroom. I claw at his arm and I can feel my fingernails dig into his skin.

Tears start to uncontrollably roll out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I curse Tamlin, I curse PTSD, I curse the world. This is the time to fight, to get the upper hand. But I can't. I can't get Tamlin off of me. Not now. Not while this panic consumes me.

Another bang. Louder this time. And another. A grunt shortly follows it. I hear the wood begin to splinter and stop panicking. I stop hyperventilating. Stop breathing. Tamlin stops as well. He pulls my hair tighter, but despite that stays put.

Another large thump. I can see where the door is beginning to crack. That's when I realize exactly where I am. When that door breaks I'll be right in front of it. I may not always be perfect, but there is no way I'm letting Tamlin kill me through a broken door. That's not how I'm gonna go.

I push myself up with my legs and just back into Tamlin. He grunts and holds his ground. I brace one foot on the wall and shove him as hard as I can. He still doesn't move. The man is a f*cking brick. I reach up and wrap my other hand around his arm as well. As soon as I've got my balance I put my other foot on the wall. Suddenly all I can think about is the swim lessons I got before we lost everything. This woman would hold me upright and tell me to push off the wall as hard as I could. New tears join the dried ones on my face as I think back to Rhys teaching me to swim. Doing the exact same thing, then grinning like mad when I launched myself halfway across the pool with one push.

The door splinters more. Right, no more time for reminiscing, I need to get a better position. I take a deep breath and push against the wall as hard as I can. Tamlin grunts as I push him backwards into the bed. The door finally gives way, breaking at the hinges and sending its attacker stumbling into the room. Hazel eyes meet mine and I cry just a touch harder.

"What you cryin' about girl? We're here." A laugh breaks through my sobs. Apparently that's when Tamlin rejoins reality. He stands up, pulling me with him. I let out a sudden cry of pain. F*cking jackass, that's my hair. I close my eyes, trying to keep myself from having another panic.

That's when I hear it. The crunch of bone followed by a grunt. Tamlin releases my hair, I let go of his arm and tumble forward onto my hands and knees. I take a look at Tamlin, only to find him flat on his back, passed out. I look up to see Cassian grinning down at me.

"Did you need to hit him that hard?"

"Uh, yeah. You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." I laugh, and he laughs with me. Then I take a deep breath and try to prepare myself to move. He stoops down in front of me and grabs my shoulders. "Do you want me to carry you?" I just nod.

The next thing I know, Cass is lifting me into his arms and taking me out of the room. Out of that place. I wrap my arms around his neck, bury my face in his chest, and just cry.

 **A.N:** Like always read and review! Also, I am now taking suggestions for male names. The purpose for these names will be revealed later. (I've got to keep some secrets from you guys).


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I still own nothing except my mind. The songs used in this piece are You're Beautiful by James Blunt and Unstoppable by The Score.

 **A.N:** So i know I'm late this week and I'm sorry (not sorry), i got a little busy. But hey, it's still technically Tuesday so I'm only a day late.

 **Never Again Part 2 (Continued from Chapter 4)**

I can't breathe. I can't breathe or think. I squeeze my eyes closed and lean my forehead into Rhys' chest. There I ignore everything else. I just take deep breaths and remind myself that this is real. Rhysand is real. I'm not with him anymore, he doesn't control me anymore. I am married. I am a married woman. I am an honorary mob wife. If Tamlin tries anything, he will fail. From somewhere far away I hear Ianthe's voice.

"Oh, Feyre dear, is she sick?"

"No. She just doesn't want to see either of your faces. Ever again." Rhys' snap brings a small smile to my lips.

"Well why not? I believe that we should all leave the past behind us."

"Then maybe you should look at how f*cked up that past is, and reevaluate your choices." Ianthe sucks in a breath. I feel something inside me ease up a little.

"Rhysand." I chide him, in a voice barely above a whisper I know that only he can hear.

"You're one to talk." At his voice, I tense up again.

"What is that supposed to mean?" His voice has taken an aggressive tone. I pull him tighter to me still.

"It just means that you shouldn't be walking around talking to us like you're a saint. If I recall, you were Amarantha's whore for a long while." I feel every muscle in Rhys' body tense, and he pushes against me.

I dig my feet in, and hold my ground against him. F*cking Tamlin. I'm in heels, I don't know how long I'll be able to hold Rhys back like this. But this is good. Rhys' anger is grounding. It keeps me present, keeps me here with him.

That's when the music starts, and I lose it.

My life is brilliant.

Before I know it, I'm falling. My arms slipping from Rhys' waist, my knees buckling, and my entire body going limp.

My life is brilliant.

My love is pure.

I saw an angel.

Of that I'm sure.

She smiled at me on the subway.

She was with another man.

But I won't lose no sleep on that,

'Cause I've got a plan.

I land on my ass, hard. It sends a tremor through my body, but I hardly notice it. I'm numb to everything. I can't think, can't focus. Nothing seems real. This life isn't real. The only thing that is real is this song. My vison blurs and becomes edged with black.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

I don't know the exact moment that I lose consciousness, but instantly I'm back there. Back in Bothell. Back with Tamlin and Lucien. Back before Rhys saved me.

He's holding my face in his hands and looking at me. He's looking at me so that it feels like we're the only two people in the world.

"Tamlin," I begin to say but he shakes his head and pulls me closer. Our faces are nothing more than an inch apart. Let's his hands drop to hold me at the waist and leans his forehead against mine.

I decide to try again. "Bad day" He cuts me off with a swift kiss. Nothing more than a peck, but I get the message. No more talking.

"I just need to stand here with you, and remember that there are good things in this world."

Yes, she caught my eye,

As we walked on by.

She could see from my face that I was,

Flying high.

And I don't think that I'll see her again,

But we shared a moment that will last 'til the end.

I stand there with him for a few more moments before pushing away. "I want to go to the grocery store."

Something darkens in his eyes. "No."

"Why not? I haven't left this house in over a month. I'm going crazy. Tam please, I need to get out of here."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it's not safe."

"What's not safe? Me going to the store? Me being around all those people? What is it?"

"It's you are leaving the house."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't feel comfortable with you leaving the house. What if Rhysand comes back?"

"Then we deal with it. Just like how we dealt with Amarantha."

"No. You have to stay here. Where you're safe." With that he turns back around and walks down the hall.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

I crash back into reality. Rhys is leaned over me, and checking my head for any injuries. Something is different about him. I try to push myself into a sitting position, but he grabs me and lowers me back down. I'm laying on something. Something made of fabric that has been folded up and thoughtfully placed under my head. I look back up to Rhys and it clicks into place.

"Did you use your jacket as a pillow for me?" He looks down at me. A soft kind of smile graces his lips.

"Yes, I did. I didn't want you to have to lay of the hard floor." I smile up at him.

"That was nice of you."

"You're my wife. Of course, I'm gonna take care of you.

I look around to try and locate Tamlin. I don't see him. "Where did he?"

"I made him leave when you passed out. I think he pulled Ianthe over to the bar."

"You didn't have to" he cuts me off with a look.

"Yes, I did Feyre. Don't even think about going there." I nod.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face,

When she thought up that I should be with you.

But it's time to face the truth,

I will never be with you.

I lay back down and close my eyes. "How much of a scene are we making?"

"Eh. Nothing more than usual for us." I scoff. "Actually, less than usual. Keir's not here." I let out a snort. Rhys chuckles. I just let myself relax. I let myself think.

I think about everything I've been through. With my family, with Tamlin, even with Rhys. Then I think about everything Rhys' been through. His family, the war, and everything he's had to do, every punch he's had to take. I find myself falling more in love with him as the seconds go by.

No, not more in love. I'm just aware of my love. I'm aware of how it feels to love him, and be loved in return. Aware about how it feels to be held by him, to kiss him, to make love to him. I become blissfully happy.

Then someone steps on my hair. I open my eyes and look up. Or at least attempt to look up, because I've now got a face full of blue taffeta.

"Is she feeling any better?" Oh god, her voice. It just makes me want to rip my ears off.

"Pretty sure that you standing right there isn't helping." Rhys sounds like he's trying too hard to lighten the mood. His tone is sarcastic, but there's real annoyance and threat behind it.

"What do you mean?"

"He means you're standing directly on my hair. Bitch." My tone is pleasant enough, but she lets out a gasp and steps back anyway.

As soon as she's off me I push myself up. I get myself sitting completely upright and grin at Rhys. That's when he bolts to his feet and takes a defensive stance. I know this. I know him. He's ready for a fight.

"Rhysand. Can't you just relax?" It's Ianthe again, but I know who's behind her. I can smell him. Smell the sickly-sweet flowers, the fresh rain; I smell everything associated with never-ending spring. To my surprise, I find that Rhys has yet to say anything.

I meet his eyes and raise my hands. He grabs them and pulls me to my feet. I turn around and look at Ianthe, and subsequently, Tamlin.

His green eyes meet mine, and nothing. I feel nothing towards the man. Nothing for the golden hair and tan skin. He is not who I want. He is not what I want.

I want my husband. I want the life we have together. I want for so many great adventures, but Tamlin no longer has a place. He is old. Obsolete. I take a step back and Rhys seems to understand. Within seconds his arms are wrapped around me, his head above my shoulder, and his jaw braced against my cheekbone. Finally, Tamlin finds his voice.

"So, this is your choice Feyre?"

"Yes, it is." My voice is quiet, but I can tell that he hears me by the way he flinches. Ianthe grabs his arm.

"Remember what we talked about. Just breathe. It's all going to be okay." I get the feeling that we are not meant to be included in this particular conversation, so I turn around to face Rhys. I put my hands on his chest and look him deep in the eye.

"The music stopped." I remark. He lets loose a breath that I didn't know he was holding.

"Yes, it has."

"perhaps we should remedy this. Is the man still taking suggestions?"

"I'm going to assume he is."

I tap on his chest and pull myself away from him. "Then I'll be right back." As I walk away I can hear Tamlin turn on Rhys. But I'm not worried about it. My dark knight can more than handle himself.

I walk over to the raised platform that the DJ sits on. He looks down at me and I smile. "Can I help you miss?" He's got that Brooklyn accent like Rhys and I smile harder.

"I was wondering if you could play a song for me."

"I can do that. What song would you like miss?"

I lean in and whisper it in his ear. He nods and I begin to walk back to Rhys. This is so gonna get him. He might've gotten me with Seven Nation Army, but that wasn't our first dance, and this one was. The music starts and I see it startles Rhys.

There's a moment

In your bones when

When the fire takes over

Blood is running

Heart is pumping

As the battle gets closer

Ooh, they can say what they want now

Ooh, 'cause we'll be screaming out

He turns around before I get there and grins at me. I laugh and keep my pace towards him as he starts to dance.

He dances in a way that mimics Azriel and I have to stop walking because I'm laughing so hard. That's when the chorus picks up and he starts singing.

We can be heroes everywhere we go

We can have all that we ever want

Swinging like Ali, knocking out bodies

Standing on top like a champion

Keep your silver, give me that gold

You'll remember when I say

We can be heroes everywhere we go

Keeping us down is impossible

'Cause we're unstoppable

 **A.N:** Read and reveiw like normal. I'm still taking name suggestions. Now they're open for any gender. Thanks tons. You're all awesome and I'm so happy that you tune in every other week to read the new chapters. :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** While i own my original characters used in this chapter, Sarah J Maas still owns all of the amazingness that the Court of Thorns and Roses series is.

 **A.N.** Hey so sorry it took me a couple more days to get this up. Anywhozle, please enjoy this chapter as I have no idea when I'll post again. Next week is finals for me, and then after that I go to my job (A.K.A. Living in the woods for six weeks). I might be able to post once or twice at best. But it's at least going to be sporadic.

 **Nitty-Gritty**

He's angry pacing. He's stopped ranting and is now just pacing. Stomping more like. He's parading through the three main rooms of our apartment, and I suddenly feel very bad for the downstairs neighbors. I know their ceiling must be shaking, if not their walls as well.

The kids went into hiding roughly half an hour ago. Maybe five minutes after Rhys remembered who was coming for dinner. Park has locked himself in the bedroom the twins share and has decided that he needs to practice his cello at a forte forte tonight. The neighbors that share his wall must hate us. And since he has monopulated their bedroom, Mercer locked herself in the bathroom that all the kids use. I don't know what she's doing in there, but I know that she took her stereo with her. And she's using it to blast that new alternative metal, hard rock stuff that she loves, Rhys likes, I tolerate, and Park and Vik despise. I'm pretty sure that if any of our neighbors didn't hate us before, they definitely do now.

Rhys says something that I can't hear. He then turns and looks at me expectantly, having temporarily ceased pacing. I shrug my shoulders and lift my hands in surrender. Plastering a look on my face that says, "I have no idea what you just said, or what you want me to do". He lets out a loud groan before marching over and banging on the bathroom door.

"What?" Mercer yells over the music. Her voice has an angry lilt to it.

"Turn it down Merc." Rhys yells to be heard over all the noise.

"No can-do Padre. If it's any lower I'll be able to hear Park's stupid cello." She yells "stupid cello" even louder than the rest of her statement. Instantaneously the cello stops in its song.

That's when Park decides his voice needs to join the others in yelling. "It's an instrument stupid. It has no down function!"

Rhys runs a hand over his face. "Can't you just play at a menso piano?"

A scoff comes from Park. "Sure dad. Because I just can't wait to hear round two of you berating our life choices." The stereo clicks off then.

Rhys takes his hand and runs it through his hair. "I was only talking about your sisters' choice in men."

A scoff from the bathroom then. But the voice that spoke was distinctly Park. "But eventually you'll run out of ammo for the TA dude, and start in on Mercer's girlfriend." Mercer gasps.

"You jackass."

"What girlfriend?" Rhys says, all his direction now directed at the bathroom.

"The one that you would totally not care about if only Park told you about his sexuality." The cello starts again at that and moments after, the stereo gets turned on again.

Something strange happens to my husband at that. His shoulders drop, and all the anger and frustration at life and our children just leave him. He turns to me and I just give him a smile. Honestly, I don't care who our kids end up marrying. All that matters to me is that they are happy and healthy and that whoever they chose to be with romantically treats them well. I know that the concept of the kids being gay is hard for Rhys to wrap his head around, but I never thought that the kids wouldn't feel comfortable telling us things. I would like to know why Park didn't tell us, tell me.

Somewhere behind me I hear Rhys regain his confidence. He begins to bang on the twins' door. "Park stop that. Let's talk." His words hold kindness, but his tone holds hostility. I don't blame Park for keeping the door closed. I just never thought he would close the door to me.

That's when it really hits home. My son didn't want to tell me something. He didn't feel like he could tell me. I don't even make it a chair, I just lower myself on to the floor. As I sit there I look over to our dining table. I set it for six, and I ordered Chinese food in abundance.

My daughter's coming home from college today. And she's bringing a boy home, the boy she's been with for almost a year now. They met shortly after she started going to school, but they didn't date until after she was done taking the class that he was TAing for. She told me that. She told me that as she was walking out of the room from her final he went running after her, and caught her right outside the door. She told me that he demanded to have her number and promised to take her out to a nice restaurant. She told me he fulfilled that promise. She told me that this is the best relationship she's ever been in and that she thinks she's going to marry him. My nineteen-year-old is talking about marriage. I know that's how old I was when I married Rhys, but still. It's a little unnerving when it's your child. Especially your firstborn.

Suddenly the front door opens. I burst to my feet as fast as I possibly can. I'm half expecting it to be a burglar. But then my eyes meet purple ones and all my stress and worry melts away. It's just my little girl. My little girl making a pained face as she walks into our apartment, but my little girl nonetheless.

I scan her and see that she's put a little effort into the outfit today. She's got on a dress that goes down to her knees, a jean jacket, and little heeled booties. She's got kind of a 50's vibe going on. I like it. That's when I notice that she's got a plastic bag of Chinese food in each hand. As she walks into the apartment she doesn't stop. She just puts the bags on the table, walks over, and wraps her arms around my waist. I slide my arms over her shoulders and bury my face in her neck. She has to speak at a normal volume directly in my ear so I can hear her.

"Are they just being fourteen? Or is something else going on?" I don't say anything, just burrow my face further into her. That's when Rhys decides to start threatening Park.

"Parker Lucas Illyria, I swear to god if you don't open this door in ten seconds I'm going to break it down." Park doesn't say anything, he just keeps playing at that terribly high noise level.

Vik gives me a final pat and lets me go. She sneaks over to the bathroom door and knocks on it. A very Vik like, gentle knock. She is so much like Elain, in her gentle nature, and soft voice. Mercer is much more like me. As is made evident once again by the hostile snap of "What?" that comes out of the room.

"It's Vik sweets. I just wanna talk." Shockingly the music gets turned off and the door opens. Mercer doesn't come out, but Vik goes inside. I stand astounded.

"I mean it Parker you open this door right now." I can see Rhys' back at the end of the hallway from my position, but I can't see his face. That's when he starts counting down. I close my eyes and put my hands over my face. This is a great first impression to make on the man my daughter wants to marry.

I feel a hand on my elbow and open my eyes. Deep pools of brown look back at me. I lower my hands and find myself greeted by an easy smile.

"I've met Park, and was probably a fourteen-year-old boy much more recently than your husband. Do you mind if I talk to him?"

I just stare at this man. This beautiful man who not only loves my daughter enough to brave her family, but wants to help in defusing the bomb that is my son. Somewhere in the back of my mind I register that he is looking for me to answer him. I just very slowly nod. His smile widens.

"Could you get your husband to back off for me? I don't want to step on his toes." I nod again. I slowly walk over to Rhys. It feels as if I'm in a trance. As if this isn't happening as if nothing is real. Once I reach Rhys I lightly touch his arm. He stops counting and turns as if to yell at me. There must be some kind of expression on my face, because once again all the anger leaves him. Worry fills his eyes as he looks at me and pulls me to him.

"The boy is going to try and talk him down." I say, barely above a whisper. I don't know if he actually hears me, but he nods and pulls me towards our room. I'm still in a dream when he pulls me into our room, the cello music finally stops, and the twins' door closes. Rhys doesn't stop pulling me until we're standing in our bathroom.

"Fey. Fey, what's wrong?"

I can't say the words, but somehow, I manage to get them out. "You're Tamlin." I know that the words will hurt, but I need them to stick. I need for this to not happen anymore. He doesn't react for a minute, and worry that he didn't hear what I said floods me. I don't think I have the capacity to repeat those two little words.

But then something happens to him. Pain flashes across his face, but then anger. Anger at me, anger at my words. All I do is stare him dead in the eye. That seems to finally snap him out of it. Apology floods his features. Remorse, pain, shame, I can see it all in his eyes, the set of his jaw, the tenseness of his forehead. All of it is laid out for me. Like the word of his emotions is flashing at me on a big neon sign.

"I-I didn't mean to-" I cut him off.

"I know love, I know. Just please stop yelling at the kids. Okay?" He nods. "Let's go have as nice a family dinner as possible and meet this young man that Vik is in love with."

He nods. We slowly exit our room and enter the hallway. To my surprise the doors to the twin's room is wide open. As I look further down I can see the bathroom door is also ajar. I walk closer to the dinner table and am greeted by the sight of both my fourteen-year-olds sitting in the white chairs, my oldest opening boxes and putting them on the table with utensils, and a very tall man pouring glasses of soda. I walk over and stand adjacent to both the table and the kitchen. When Vik sees me, she smiles.

"Hi mama. We're just finishing up getting dinner going. You and dad can go ahead and sit." She gestures. I nod and sit down next to Park. Rhys walks over and sits down across from me, and next to Vik. Leaving the last two chairs open and next to each other. I look at Vik and see that her eyes are red. Guilt instantly fills me, but when she catches my eye, she smiles. That's when the other two sit down.

I look over to Rhys, only to find him trying to size up the younger man. I cough to get Vik's attention. When she looks at me I gesture to her father with a not-so-subtle shake of my head. She nods, looks to Rhys, and grins at him.

"So, dad, this is Daichi."

 **A.N.** So thanks for reading, R & R like normal. Just a quick thanks to all those who sent me names. I've used some of them, so you might end up seeing your suggestion at some point. I would love to credit you with the name, but due to duplicates that feels like an unattainable goal.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Just like always, I don't own any of the characters or outside content used in this story.

 **A.N.** Hey it's been a while. Specifically seven months and ten days since my last update. Sorry about that. I honestly did try, and it has resulted in there being like at least a dozen different versions of this chapter floating around in my life. Anyway, I'm back now. I'm not gonna make a schedule for posting cause I never stick to them, but I'm going to do my best to make sure that it's not as long of a break as this last time. Anyway, here it is, the much awaited tenth chapter of A Court of Guns and Glass.

 **No Lies**

I'm standing at the foot of the bed staring at him as hard as I possibly can when he blinks awake. A lazy smile starts to spread across his face, but freezes as he registers my seething glare. His half-smile turns nervous, becoming almost a grimace. I don't say anything just continue to glare at him.

"What?" The uneasiness of his smile creeps into his voice.

"You filed me as your mate?" I can't help the increase of volume that happens as I near the end of my sentence. His grimace fades into a frown and he closes his eyes. I'm surprised at the movement when his bandaged hand comes up to pinch the bridge of his nose but don't let it break my mask of rage.

"Who told you?" He sounds tired, but the response is so clipped that I know he's pissed.

"Does it matter?" I'm snapping before I can reel in my angry tone. "You made this decision without me. How long ago did you do this?" I find myself fighting to repress burning tears of anger.

"Does it matter?" He echo's my question and drops his hand. When his eyes open they've got that direct and intense look that I've come to find endearing.

I'm astounded. Both by the look and the question. I try to formulate words but only manage to open and close my mouth repeatedly making small gasping noises.

"It's just another form that I have to fill out. Everyone involved with the D'Angelo's has too. It's not that big of a deal." I slam my mouth closed and give him an incredulous look. He continues. "All it means that if something were to happen to me, you would still be protected under the mob."

"Bull." I snap. His eyebrows raise but his gaze remains the same. "It means more than that and you know it, bastard." The insults are keeping me grounded as my vision now begins to blur with burning tears. "Mor told me about it. It makes me your next of kin. It makes me more than your wife. You have to be interviewed by the head of the family to verify the validity." He opens his mouth, but I hold up a finger to him. "You have to prove to this man that you love me, so the form holds." The tears break past the edges of my eyes at that and start to leave searing trails down my face. I drop my head into my hands.

"Fey-" I somehow manage to interrupt him before he can continue.

"Why? Why did you do this? Why didn't you tell me?" I shake as my sobs worsen, my head in my hands.

"I didn't want to scare you." His voice is low and quiet. I freeze mid sob, raise my head, and look at him. He's staring at the blanket covering his lap.

"If this was just a matter of legality, why would you think it would scare me?" I sound like a quavering little girl and I curse myself for it. He swallows hard and looks up at me. In that moment something inside me clicks into place. He thought it would scare me because it wasn't "just another form" it was something more. Something that he felt deep down in his gut. Something that I felt too. Something that does scare me. I curse him for knowing it.

Despite expecting the words, they still hurt as he says them. "Because it wasn't just a legal thing." He takes a deep breath. "Feyre I-" Before he can finish I've turned on my heel, and I'm booking it out of the room. I walk briskly but don't run, not wanting one of the hospital staff to think there's some kind of emergency. I wipe at my face even though I know it's futile. Strands of snot are beginning to flow and join the salty tears already covering my face.

I walk until I've reached the small waiting room where the others are. Through my almost nonexistent vision I can see Amren and Azriel are sitting in chairs, and Cassian and Mor are taking advantage of the free coffee. I turn to Mor, but still manage to catch Az's eye. He starts to rise, but Amren halts him with a hand on his knee. Cas gasps when he looks at me which causes Mor to turn. She puts her coffee down and takes me by the shoulders. Before I even say anything, she wraps her thin arms around me and I bury my dripping face in her shoulder. "Get me out of here." I whisper. I feel her nod and begin to pull me. I walk numbly with her down the hall, to the elevator, out the door, and to the parking lot. She says nothing as she guides me by the elbow into the back seat of her mini-cooper and buckles my seatbelt. It feels as if I'm a small child, and not a grown woman.

After I'm secured in the seat she closes the door and takes the driver's position. She turns on the car and pulls out. I watch out the window as the hospital shrinks away. Only when it is out of sight do I turn away from the window and close my eyes. Soon I feel myself drifting away, and before I know what's happening I'm asleep.

* * *

I've never felt more content in my life. I lay my head down on Tamlin's sweaty chest and breathe in his sent. He runs his fingers through my damp hair. I place feather-light kisses on his chest and smile to myself. When he nuzzles his face into my hair, I know there is nowhere I would rather be.

I close my eyes and just let myself be in the moment. I let my stress and questions roll away. I let the world simply be what it is.

I don't know how long I've been like that, but when I come back to reality Tam's breathing has leveled off into quiet snores. I snuggle into him more. This is the first time I've felt even remotely happy in a long time.

I have confidence now. I new kind that I've never felt before. The special kind of confidence that comes from knowing that a powerful man is your lover. The kind of confidence that comes from the innate knowledge that your powerful lover would use every bit of power he has to protect you from everything.

* * *

I gasp awake. It takes me a little to reorient myself. Mor has turned on the music and rolled down the front windows. I look out the window to see that we're driving on a highway. I turn around to make sure that no one is following us.

After I've stared out the back windshield for a good minute I'm content. I turn back around and take a deep breath.

"You hungry?" Mor calls from the front.

"A little." I admit. She reaches over to the passenger seat and hands me back a McDonalds cheeseburger.

"It's a little old now, but it'll do the trick." I thank her and eat in silence.

Once the burger is gone I close my eyes again. "Is it okay if I sleep more?" I ask her.

"Yeah, we've got at least another hour. Take a nap, I'm guessing you didn't get much sleep last night." I nod, and let myself drift again.

* * *

His arms are wrapped around my torso. His chest is pressed against my back and his face is nuzzled in my hair. I try to relax, but find that I can't with us in this position. All I can hear is the voice in my head calling me traitor, a slut, a whore. All of those terrible names that belong to women who sleep with different men.

All I can think about is how I'm betraying Tamlin. How I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be doing this. It's too soon. It's not respectful. I need to get away from Rhys.

But then his leg slips over mine and I remember how much I need this, need him. And not just for the body heat. I mean yes, it's freezing and there is no way to make this; the world's smallest motel room; warmer. But I want _him._ And that's the problem. That's why all these terrible thoughts keep rolling around in my head. I am rather aware of how stiff I am keeping my body, trying to maintain at least an inch between us. I'm clenching every muscle in my body as hard as I can, I can't even breath. The longer we lay here, the more worried I become about suffocation.

But then, he presses his lips against my neck. And whispers so close to my ear that I can feel his breath. "Relax. I won't do anything you don't want me to." A rather violent shiver racks my entire body and he sighs.

Within seconds he's pulling his leg back and detangling himself from me. Another part of my brain screams at me, and rapidly, without thinking I hook my hand around his knee and halt his movement.

* * *

"Feyre?" I shake my head and pull my hand into my chest, almost as if touching him burned me. Despite this he keeps his leg where it is.

I wake to a tapping at my knee. I reach up and rub the sleep out of my eyes and am greeted by Mor's smiling face.

"We're here!" She says cheerily. I look out the window to see exactly where "here" is.

I have no idea where we are. Snow is lazily falling from the sky and blankets the ground. I can't see any other people. From my position I can't even see any buildings.

"Where exactly is here?" I ask, trying to keep the aggression out of my voice.

Her response is to point through the front windshield. It's blurry through the snow, but I can kind of make out the shape of a small cabin.

"So, it's a cabin?"

"A cabin overlooking a lake." She nods excitedly.

"A cabin overlooking a lake. Did you rent it?"

"No. We own it. Mine and" she pauses, obviously trying to figure out if she should say Rhys' name or not. She does say it, but she does that "I'm saying it, but not saying it, because I'm coughing" thing before continuing. "Common grandparents bought it in the early 50's."

"And I'm going to stay in this cabin?"

Her excited nod makes another appearance. "Yes. Yes, you are. For however long you need. No one else will bother you."

I narrow my eyes at her. "What's the catch?"

"No catch."

"Mmhmm."

She finally releases a defeated sigh. "Alright, the catch is that Rhys can come get you. It's a family thing, there's no way for me to block him entirely." I nod.

"But," she amends. "I won't tell him you're here, so he'll have to figure it out." I smile at her.

"Alright. I can crash here." A wild grin covers her face.

 **A.N.** I actually have a question for all of you readers, would you like me to post more content about Feyre and Rhys' kids or just stick to the characters from the books?

 **A.A.N.** Once again, I love and appreciate all comments. Even if you don't have an answer for my question.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own anything except my brain and my plot decisions. Everything else belongs to the wonderful Sarah J Maas.

 **A.N.** So don't get used to these rapid-fire updates guys. I just worked real hard so I could get this super special, extra long chapter out for the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of this fic. I know, I spent a good chunk of that year on an unintended hiatus, but I'm back on the saddle again, and hoping to be better this year.

I also just want to take a moment and thank all of you people who read this. If you've been here since the beginning, or if you just binged it all today, I appreciate you. Thanks so much for bothering to read this, especially when you could be doing something like taking a nap instead.

 **Never Enough**

There's no answer when I knock on the apartment door the first time. So, I knock again, louder. Still no answer.

"Elain?" I call, praying that no passersby are watching me try to yell at my sister through her door.

"It's open." Her reply is muffled but I can still tell that her voice is hoarse, almost as if she's been crying.

I push open the door and step into her apartment. It's small, smaller than any I've ever lived in. But she insists on paying for it entirely by herself. This means that she only has one room with her bed, a dresser, a bookshelf, and the world's smallest kitchen. Hell, she doesn't even have a stove. The only offshoot is the bathroom, but even then, you can't open the front door and the bathroom door at the same time.

Once I'm inside I close the door behind me. I do a quick scan and don't see her. "Where are you?"

"Bathroom." She's whimpering. I'm instantly on alert and I bang into the room. The sight of her instantly breaks my heart. She's in her hiding spot; the incredibly tight space between the toilet and the bathtub; her eyes are red and puffy, her blonde hair a tangled mess around her shoulders.

Anger fills me. Anger at who did this. At why they did this. I find that only one name pops into my head. My fists clench at my sides. "Where did he go?" I grunt out.

She shakes her head. "No, no Feyre. He didn't do this."

Her words do nothing to calm me. "Then who did?"

"I did." Her words are barely a whisper, but they hit me like a typhoon. All my anger dissipates, and I'm left completely empty, and a little numb. I walk over and squat down in front of her.

"Okay honey. Well let's get you out of here first, and then you can tell me about it." I grab her by her biceps and begin to try to pull her up. Fear flashes in her eyes, then panic, and she fights my movement. Still keep my hands on her, but I let her pull back.

"No. No. No. No. I. I have. I have to. I have. I have to stay. Stay. Stay here. Right here." Something registers in my brains, and I know that she's having one of her attacks.

I hold up my hands in surrender. "Okay. We'll stay right here Elain." She nods rapidly. "Can you tell me what's happened?" She freezes, a look of terror on her face.

"You can't tell him."

"I can't tell who?"

"Grayson. You can't tell Grayson." Damn. I knew this was about that abusive bastard. I shouldn't have let her agree to marry him. I thought it'd be better, since I moved them out here to New York with us, and insisted that Elain have her own apartment. But apparently it wasn't enough. She yanks me from my thoughts by desperately grabbing at my forearms and digging her fingers in. That's when I feel it. There's something in her left hand. I look down to try and see what it is, but her fingers conceal it completely. "You have to promise."

"Okay. Okay Elain. I promise. I won't tell Grayson."

Her entire body goes limp. She lets go of me and leans back against the wall behind her, her eyes closed. I watch as her breath slows, and I don't say anything until I'm completely certain that she's calm.

"What can't I tell Grayson?" Her eyes snap open, but they lack some of the panic from earlier.

She mumbles something I can't hear. I shift to lean closer to her.

"What?"

"I'm" she says another word after, but I still can't hear it.

"What?" I'm starting to get frustrated now.

"I'm p.." the rest of the word is still nonsensical.

"Oh my god Elain what is it?" I'm yelling before I know what's happening.

"I'm pregnant!" She screams back at me. At this point, I'm still squatting down, balancing on my toes. At the force of her scream, I rock back and fall onto my ass. I can't even speak, I just stare at her, incredulous.

"But I thought you and Grayson were waiting until you got married."

"We were." She can't meet my eye.

"Did you elope?" I'm whispering now.

She shakes her head. "No." She matches my volume.

"Then whose?" She finally meets my eye, and I know. I know, and I cringe. "No, you didn't." She just nods. "Lucien? Really Elain? I thought we agreed that he's better off with Jesminda." She blanches.

"It's not Lucien's!" Her words are a hiss. I feel the confusion cover my face.

"Then who have you been have sex with?"

"Azriel!" I can't help that my jaw drops, and my eyes go wide.

Well, it took me another half an hour, but I finally got Elain out from between the toilet and the bathtub. We're now sitting side by side on her bed in the exact same position; with both our feet flat on the floor about shoulder-width apart, leaning forward, our forearms bracing our weight on our thighs; there is one difference, Elain is holding the pregnancy test in her hands. Yep, that's what she had pushed up against my arm, a stick covered in her old pee.

"So." I start.

"So." She repeats.

"How long have you had this thing with Az?"

She thinks for a moment. "Year and a half?" I turn to her, my eyes wide. She's still staring at the life-changing pink stick in her hands.

"You've been sleeping with my husband's bet friend for a year and a half and you didn't tell me!" A deep blush covers her cheeks as she shrinks into herself. She must think I'm angry. I am yelling, but it's for an entirely different reason.

I don't even think about what to do next. I just wrap both my arms around her in a great bear hug. I hug her as tight as I possibly can. She lets out a squeak at the initial impact but then begins laughing. Within seconds I'm laughing with her.

"This is so great! Rhys will be so excited!" She stops laughing.

"You can't tell Rhys."

In my happiness I miss the shift in her tone. "Oh of course of course, you have to tell Az first."

"I might not tell Az." I pull away until I'm holding her at arm's length.

"What?" All my joy from moments ago is gone. Replaced with an empty feeling. I didn't realize how much of an impact this news really had on me.

"I might not tell Azriel about the pregnancy." She repeats slowly. As if we are children again and she is teaching me the meaning of a word.

"Why not?"

She meets my eyes and I see the beginnings of tears. "I might not keep it." Her voice sounds watery, and she has to look back down at her hands as soon as she's said it. And now I understand.

I understand why I found her hiding and panicking. I understand why she was crying and not answering her phone. I understand why when Az came over today she sent him away without thinking about it. I understand why that made him worry and call me and tell me to come check on her.

Because if she kept the baby she'd have to leave Grayson. Something she can't do. Not something she won't do, something she can't do. She's been in the abuse too long. She doesn't know what being loved is like. It's why she didn't break it off with Grayson when she first started seeing Az. She knows that Azriel treats her right and that he's the one who she should be with, but she thinks she deserves Grayson. And this pregnancy isn't doing anything except reiterating that fact for her. That she's a bad person who deserves bad things to happen to her. I feel tears begin to drip down my own face.

"E" She shakes her head to stop me before I can say more.

"He'll kill me when he finds out." She lets out the roughest laugh I've ever heard come out of her.

"We don't have to tell him."

"If I keep it, he'll want to know why I left."

"You already have more than enough reason to leave."

"No, I don't Feyre." My heart shatters when she says that. She's been with the abusive son of a bitch for over seven years. She does that laugh, chortle, thing again and my heart breaks even more. "You know, he doesn't believe in abortion. He'll make me have it."

I reach over and lightly touch her on the arm. "You know who wouldn't force you to do anything?" She doesn't respond. "Az wouldn't force anything on you. He would be there for you." I swallow. "He wants to be there for you E."

"He does?" The words are a broken, throaty whisper.

"He does. He's the one who called me when you wouldn't see him this morning." She looks back up at me. The new tears have mixed with the old, and now her nose is running. "You should tell him." She nods.

"Okay." She takes a deep breath and wipes at her face. It does nothing but move some of her snot up to her eyebrow. "Can you call him?" I'm astounded.

"Do you want me to tell him?"

"No. I want you to get him here." I smile.

"Yeah. I can do that." I stand up and walk over to where I abandoned my purse earlier. I fish my phone out of it and check the messages.

 **23 Missed Calls from Azriel**

 **6 New Messages from Azriel**

I slide it open and look at the texts.

 **Az:** Is she okay?

 **Az:** Feyre?

 **Az:** Okay what's going on? Is it Grayson? Do I need to go kill him? I called Cass and we're ready to go whenever.

 **Az:** Okay I'm being ridiculous. Sorry. Just, call me whenever. Bye.

 **Az:** Can you just tell me if you go to the hospital?

 **Az:** Okay so since you're not answering, I'm just going to sit right here in the lobby of the apartment building.

I feel a grin spread across my face as I walk back to Elain. "I've never seen him do this. Have you?" I show her my phone. Her eyes grow wide.

"Wow." She doesn't even say the word, just mouths it to herself.

"I think he might love you Elain." That causes her gaze to shift up to me.

"You think?"

"I think."

She nods. "Were you going to call him?" I nod, and push a few buttons. He picks up on the first ring.

"How is she?" I've never heard him sound so nervous.

"She wants to see you."

"She does?" I hear some ambient noise as he starts moving. "Is she okay? Do we need to take her to the hospital?"

"No. She just needs to tell you something."

"Okay." He still sounds just as nervous as when we started talking. I put my back to Elain and whisper into the phone.

"Oh, and Az?"

"Yeah?"

"It might be helpful if you calmed yourself down a little before you come inside."

He lets out a breathy chuckle. "Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'll work on that."

"Good." I hang up before he can say anything else and turn back to Elain.

I take one look at her and burst out laughing. I can't help it, she does not look cute right now.

Her hair is an actual birds nest, her eyes are red, she's got snot places I didn't know you could get snot, and while she's not crying now, the tears have left trails down her face. This is not helped by the fact that she never really got dressed. She has on black sweat pants that are at least two sizes too big, and are more ragged looking than any other piece of clothing I've ever seen. She's got on a coral t-shirt (the pink coral, not the blue) that's covered in paint and due to the extremely stretched out collar, hangs off her left shoulder almost down to her elbow. And on top of it all, she's still clutching the pregnancy test in her right hand.

In all my life, I have never seen my sister look like this much of a mess. So, I laugh. Confusion covers her face.

"Feyre." I double over. "Feyre what's so funny?"

"You." I manage to gasp out.

She puts her left hand on her hip and it just about kills me. I fall to my knees. "Stop that. It's not nice to laugh at your sister." I can feel her glare on the back of my head, so I manage to get my laughter under control and stand back up.

"We are not pretty criers."

I watch her face as confusion flashes, and realization dawns. She gasps and runs into the bathroom, leaving the door open. "Oh my god." I chuckle.

"I know. It's bad." I call to her.

"There's snot in my hair!"

"Check your eyebrows."

"OH MY GOD!"

That is the moment that the front door is pushed open, only to be met by the opposing force of the bathroom door.

"I can't get in." Azriel calls from the hall. Elain squeaks at his voice and rapidly moves to grab the bathroom door and yank it closed.

"You're good now." I call, and Az pushes the rest of the way into the room. He steps over the threshold and closes the door behind himself.

"Where is she?"

"OH MY GOD!" He chuckles under his breath.

"Answer your question?" He nods to me, then moves and knocks on the door.

"Lain, you okay?" I smile when he uses the nickname. She used to hate it when people called her "Lain", just because it was so close to "Elain". "Why can't they just say the E?" She used to rant. I'm guessing he's the only person who will ever be allowed to call her that.

"Uh. No. I just need like four hours to fix the mess that my face is." I swallow as the realization hits me. She's let herself temporarily forget the situation.

"Okay. But, Feyre said you had something you needed to tell me. And it seemed kind of important. I would prefer if we could have the conversation face to face rather than through the door."

She doesn't say anything.

"Elain, I'm sure he doesn't care what you look like." I sublimate. Trying to remind her that I'm here, and that I've got her back.

"Yeah, I just want to know what's going on."

Still nothing.

"Elain-" Az holds up a finger to silence me.

He whispers something into the door that I can't hear, and she opens it. She doesn't look at him, or me, as she walks over and sits down on the bed again. As she walks, we both scan her. Az for injuries me for something else. His search is futile, but I find what I'm looking for, pocking out of the pocket of her pants.

When she sits I look at her. She didn't do a whole lot to "fix" her appearance. She put her hair up in a bun on the top of her head and washed her face, so she looks less streaky. I'm not close enough to really tell anything else.

Azriel surprises me by not sitting next to her, and instead leaning against the wall. Elain is staring at the ground, but she holds out a hand to me. I take it and let her pull me until I'm sitting next to her.

I look up to Az, expecting to see him getting frustrated. Instead I see patience. It's astounding and suddenly I want nothing more than for Elain to be with him forever. Any other man would be angry, even Rhys, but not Azriel.

Elain shifts, and I whip my head around to look at her so fast I feel a tweak in my neck. She takes a deep breath before moving ever so slowly, to look not at me, but at Azriel. The second her eyes meet his I see it. I see why he went crazy with worry. I see why she spent the entire morning crying her eyes out at the thought of having to give his kid up. I see the one thing they've somehow managed to hide for a year and a half. And I'm shocked I didn't see it before.

She swallows hard, takes one more breath, and then says the words with more force than I ever expected from her. "I'm pregnant."

I cringe painfully as I whip my head back around to watch Az's face. His expression is impassive. I look back to my sister to see worry begin to creep into the edges of her face.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes. I did."

Something I've never seen before happens then. Rage flares in Elain's eyes. She stands rather aggressively. "And what do you have to say about it?" Her volume is increasing. I'm shocked. I've never seen her angry.

"Do you know whose it is?" That's when it dawns on me. He thinks she's sleeping with Grayson. I mean it makes sense, she is engaged to the guy.

But then Elain does something I never thought she could. She marches over to him, lifts her right hand into the air, and slaps him.

It's kind of obvious that neither Az or I know what to do now. All we can do is stare at Elain, my mouth hanging open, him holding his jaw. I really wish I could see her face.

"How are you so sure?" He finally grumbles out. He's not expecting it, but I am, and I flinch as she backhands him across the other side of his face. When I open my eyes, both sides of his face are red.

Damn, Elain is good at that. He better be lucky that she was hitting him with her right hand instead of her left. She could've done some real damage with that engagement ring of hers.

"I've never slept with him you jackass." She hisses out through clenched teeth. At that his hand that was holding his jaw drops and wraps around her waist. The other coming around and meeting to completely wrap around her. He starts to pull her up off her feet, but she puts her hands up to his chest.

"No. No. I'm mad at you." I just lean back and watch. I've never seen her act this way before. With Lucien she's withdrawn, quiet, depressed, and with Grayson she's obedient, submissive, docile. This is incredible.

She makes a fist and bangs it into his chest. He laughs. "Lain."

"No. I'm mad."

 **A.N.** Just like normal, R&R to let me know what you think. If you're angry that I put Az and Elain together, good. Be angry. Read it over and over again, just so you can be angry. But then like, don't hate me because of the decision. Know this is not the only relationship shake up I have planned. And if you want a in depth piece explaining where Lucien fits into my AU, just drop me a comment or a pm (I did allude to it a little bit).

Also again, thanks for being here for the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of A Court of Guns and Glass. I hope that we will see many a more year together.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** So I still own nothing except my interpretation. The song in this chapter is Unstoppable by The Score, it starts after the first verse or so because some of the lyrics are already in chapter 8.

 **A. N.** Hey so it's been another like 4 months since I posted. Sorry not sorry, I have this thing called school, and I'm working on writing a book. I mostly haven't posted because of the book thing. Like, this fic is long enough to be a book, but I am actually trying to write something for myself.

 **Never Again Part 3** (Continued from Chapters 4 and 8) (Last Part)

I haven't quiet reached him when it happens. I don't even really register it at first. One-minute Rhys is standing there, dancing goofily and grinning at me, and the next he's stumbling away, his hand covering his face, and blood seeping through his fingers where his nose is. I start to search for the responsible party. It takes less than a second for me to find him. Tamlin. Standing there, shaking his right hand as if it hurts.

Instantly uncontrollable rage fills me, and I see red. I begin stomping towards the man. For once, wishing that we were at an official D'Angelo event. So that one, Azriel would be here, and two, he would have the clearance to just kill Tamlin where he stood.

Oh woah, we're unstoppable  
Oh woah, we're unstoppable

Tamlin gives me a Cheshire grin and I grit my teeth. I am going to kill him. I am going to kill this son of a bitch, so he can never touch my family again. He is dead. Dead.

I don't look away from Tamlin, glaring him down so that hopefully my eyes alone could cause him to drop dead. My movement is abruptly halted by Rhys though. He has stepped in front of me so quickly that I can't stop myself as I collide with his chest.

I fixate my glare on him, not caring what consequences my anger will cause. He looks down to me and I can see the love in his eyes.

Every spotlight  
Every sound byte  
Everybody who gave up  
Is just the fuel for  
Wanting it more  
Than anybody against us  
Ooh, they can say what they want now  
Ooh, 'cause we'll be screaming out

"Don't. Don't sink to his level." Rhys' voice is a whisper in my ear.

"No."

"Yes Fey, just let it go."

"No, I will not just let it go. This is the last time I'm dealing with his bullshit."

"Feyre." He has taken a tone that has less love, and more warning.

"That's what it is Rhys. It's complete and total bullshit. And if you don't let go of me right now, then god help you, I'll put an end to your bullshit too."

A smile graces his lips. "No, you won't."

"Why won't I?"

"Because Feyre, we're in public. And…" He falls silent.

"And I'm your wife now."

He swallows but remains speechless.

We can be heroes everywhere we go  
We can have all that we ever want  
Swinging like Ali, knocking out bodies  
Standing on top like a champion  
Keep your silver, give me that gold  
You'll remember when I say  
We can be heroes everywhere we go  
Keeping us down is impossible  
'Cause we're unstoppable

I push my finger into his chest. "Well listen up buddy, just because we're married now does not mean that I'm going to stop being me. It does not mean that I'm instantly going to go along with everything you say, okay? I'm still me and I'm still gonna be me until the day I die, so get with the program or you'll find yourself single before you can get the next condescending order out of your mouth."

His jaw slackens, and his eyes go wide. He looks like he wants to say something, and I change my expression so that it's a challenge. I'm daring him to argue with me and he knows it.

He eventually leans down and hisses in my ear "We're not done yet." But he does step aside and let me past.

Oh woah, we're unstoppable  
Oh woah, we're unstoppable

"No, we're not." I snap as I walk past him and up to Tamlin. The bastard still has that smile on his face.

"Feyre." He purrs my name and I ball my hand into a fist. "I see you've made the right decision finally, it's good to…" He stops talking mid-sentence as I get close to him and reach up to smash my knuckles into the side of his face.

He staggers away from me, shock written across his face. I curse at the pain in my hand and try to shake it out. Ianthe rises out from behind Tamlin and starts towards me. I look up just in time so that I catch her arm as her hand reaches out to slap me.

She screams in aggravation.

Ooh, they can say what they want now  
Ooh, 'cause we'll be screaming out

I reach with my other hand, and she shrieks again, but for an entirely different reason. I can't help the grin that breaks across my face at the sound my palm makes when it connects with her face.

I drop her wrist as she backs away from me, her face held between her hands.

"You're a monster!" She hisses at me. My grin somehow widens.

"No honey, that's you."

We can be heroes everywhere we go  
We can have all that we ever want  
Swinging like Ali, knocking out bodies  
Standing on top like a champion  
Keep your silver, give me that gold  
You'll remember when I say  
We can be heroes everywhere we go  
Keeping us down is impossible  
We're unstoppable

I turn back to look at Rhys once more. "How much longer do we need to stay here?"

He looks around at the small crowd that's gathering around us. "I'm actually going to say that it might be wiser to leave than to stay."

I nod but say nothing as I turn over my shoulder and march myself out of the room. I don't even so much as stop to make sure that Rhys is following me before I'm out the glass doors and standing on the cracked concrete of the sidewalk.

Once outside I take a moment to revaluate what's going on with me. I look down to find that my hands are shaking like an earthquake, and my entire body is trembling. I close my eyes, put my hands on my knees, and lean over. I take long, measured breaths until I begin to feel the tremors fade.

Once I feel strong enough I righten myself. I then turn to see Rhys standing behind me with his blazer draped over his forearm. His eyes meet mine and I give him an apologetic smile. He looks away and shakes his head, but when he turns back to me he's smiling.

Oh woah, we're unstoppable  
Oh woah, we're unstoppable  
Oh woah, we're unstoppable  
Oh woah, we're unstoppable  
Oh woah, we're unstoppable  
We're unstoppable

I shiver involuntarily as the nights breeze catches my bare shoulders and arms. Rhys walks over and places his jacket over my shoulders and I slide my arms into the sleeves. I'm wolfed in the thing, but it smells like him and I'm happy.

His arm slips around my shoulders as he lifts his hand to flag down a taxi. "What do you say we go home? I think we've had more than enough excitement for the night."

I look up to him. "You don't want to actually fight now do you?"

He grins at me. "Nah, I'm over it if you're willing to forgive me."

"Forgive you? I thought I was the one out of line."

"Feyre, I was being a misogynistic prick and I'm sorry. That man just does something to me."

I nod and lean harder into him. "I know, he does something to me too."

Rhys places a kiss on the top of my head. "Well then, let's just blame him for the almost fight and move on."

I press my hand into his chest. "If we blame him can we still have makeup sex?"

He laughs, loud and hard. "Yes. We can still have makeup sex if we blame the fight on Tamlin."

"Good." A taxi pulls up to us then and we get in.

 **A. N.** So as usual R&R! I'll try to be better, but seriously guys, I'm writing a book.

 **A.A.N.** As always, PM me if you have questions for me about anything.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** Nothing is mine, it all belongs to Sarah!

 **A.N.:** So I know that the deal was I wouldn't write about the kids as much, but I had this chapter banked and I feel bad for the like four month break I took accidentally. If you want me to update more, the best way is to review or shoot me a pm, but again I am working on a novella, so be patient with me. I'll try to update when I can.

 **Noncooperation**

I lean away from the mirror, looking back at my reflection. I look like the perfect business woman, I would definitely want to buy some of my paintings. I swallow and wipe away the smudge of eyeliner under my left eye. I fluff my hair and straighten my blazer one more time before walking out of the bathroom and into the kitchen.

I go straight to the coffee and begin to pour myself a cup. Rhys whistles from somewhere behind me and I jump a mile high. He chuckles as I turn to him, fuming.

"Why aren't you at work?" I demand of him. He shrugs.

"Don't need to go in yet."

"Have you ever considered that it might be nice to be early once in a while?"

"I have considered it, but I'd much rather be here to look at you in your fancy get-up and wish you luck on your interview."

I look down at my outfit, it is rather fancy for me. I've got a mustard-yellow skirt that looks surprisingly well, a hot pink blouse, and a blue blazer. My shoes are the least colorful thing on my body, and they're a dark navy color. I flip my head up and meet Rhys' eyes again. "It's not really an interview." I turn back to making my coffee and pull the creamer out of the fridge.

"Then what is it?"

"It's an appraisal?"

"You don't sound certain."

"I'm not."

Whatever Rhys is about to say dies on his lips as my phone starts ringing from its place in my skirt pocket. I reach in, pull it out and look at the number.

"Who is it?" Rhys questions.

I groan. "Dalton."

"Why are they calling?"

"One guess." He nods as I slide the button to answer. "Hello?"

The woman on the other line has a surprisingly cheery disposition as she tells me that yet again, my daughter has been involved in an altercation with another student. They are both fine, but the principle has decided that Mercer needs to be suspended for the rest of the week. She tells me that I need to come get her, and if there is another altercation, I will need to find a different school for her to attend.

I listen until she's done telling me all the information and I remain as polite and cordial as possible as long as we're speaking. I tell her that I will be there soon, and then hang up.

I stare at the phone in my hand. "F*ck."

"What?"

"Mercer got in another fight."

"Jesus, that's the second time this week."

"I know."

"It's Wednesday."

"I know."

He pinches the bridge of his nose. "I can't go get her. I won't have enough time to get to work after going all the way down there and back."

"It's fine, I'll go get her."

"You sure?"

"Yeah I'll get her and take her to the gallery with me."

"Try not to make it too much fun, she might think that being suspended is a good thing."

I brace my forearms on the kitchen counter and lean into it. "Do you think we should transfer her to Chapin with Vik?"

"It's worth discussing."

I nod and righten myself, grabbing my travel mug and walking towards the door. "Yeah, we can talk about it later."

As I go to walk past him, he stands up and catches me by the waist, yanking me to his chest. He places a kiss against my lips and when he pulls away I give a small smile. "I love you. Try to have a good day?"

I nod. "You too."

He kisses me again, and then lets me go. As I pass the table next to the door I grab my handbag and then exit our home. From there I take the elevator down to the street, say goodbye to our doorman, and walk out of the building. It's a good thing I already had my paintings delivered to that gallery, otherwise we'd be screwed.

Once outside the valet greets me. "Hello madam, will you be needing a cab?"

"Yes, I will." I pull out my phone again and check the time. It'll be close, but I should be able to make it.

The man helps me into my cab and I slip him a tip. He smiles at me and closes the door.

"Where to?" My driver has a thick Indian accent.

"Dalton Elementary school. 53 East 91st."

He nods, and we speed off. Well, speed is relative. We go as fast as the clogged Manhattan streets allow.

Once we arrive at the school I pay the man and tell him that he doesn't need to wait. I then walk over to the front of the building. I take a deep breath and pull the heavy glass door open. As I do, I can see my daughter sitting in the front office.

I pause to look at her as I enter the building. She's sitting in a normal sized blue chair, her feet dangling in the air, her arms resting on her legs, and her head downcast. From my position I do manage to catch that her little hands are balled into fists. I can't see her face due to her shoulder length black hair dangling in my way, but I know what expression she's got. She's got her jaw clenched so tight it makes my teeth ache and the slightest hint of tears in her eyes. She'd like everyone to think she's the toughest girl in the world. That she doesn't get upset, that she doesn't feel pain. She wants everyone to think that she's just like her daddy.

But she's not. She's a five-year-old girl. A five-year-old girl who's angry with school. She doesn't like the teachers because they want to keep her and her twin apart. Her twin who she loves more than any other human being on the planet. Her twin who can't stand up for himself and gets constantly teased because of it. Her twin who she has always defended, even though they're only five.

I take another deep breath and lurch into motion again. I walk over and pull open the door. She doesn't move. I plop down next to her and place a hand on her back. She flinches at the unexpected contact and remains tense when I don't move my hand.

"Merc." I keep my tone light, trying to sound like nothing's wrong. Her small body relaxes, and she looks up at me. Her blue-gray eyes wide.

"He pushed Park and called him a name. I had to do something." I feel a small smile creep onto my face. Protecting the innocent, just like Rhys.

"What name did he call him?" I prod gently.

"Four-eyes." She whispers the insult and I groan inwardly. This isn't a new issue. Park got those glasses when he was two, because he's blind as a bat without them.

"And what did you do to the boy who called Park the name?" She looks away from me then.

"I chased him, grabbed him, tackled him, and then gave him a good punch to his jaw and to his gut." I close my eyes.

"And remind me where you learned how to do that."

"Uncle Az taught me."

Uncle Az was a dead man.

 **A.N.:** Hey so R&R! And, as usual A.J. I've got a question for all of you lovely readers! Okay, so first context: I kinda want to write about how Elain and Azriel got together and their lives in this AU, and I'm toying with the idea of a spin-off fanfic. So here's the question, would you want me to create another story so that those chapters are separate from this story, or would you like it if I just kind of started sticking them inside of this one every so often?


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** I still own nothing but my own mind.

 **A.N:** Well, opps it's been a long time since I updated. Sorry not sorry. I spent the entire summer working in the woods, then promptly started University. I make no promises about further updates, but I always appreciate all of the support and excitement.

 **Necessity Makes the Heart Grow Fonder**

I bang into the kitchen, tears streaming down my face. I turn and lock both the door to the rest of the house, and the door to the backyard before letting myself slide onto the floor. My shoulders heave as I press my face into the strangely sticky floor. He doesn't understand, he doesn't know the way he's making me feel.

He doesn't know that I can't sleep, because the dreams are worse than the memories that torment me every second of every day. He doesn't understand that I know no peace, that my entire being is consumed by what happened in that jail, and that I have no way of breaking free.

I find myself looking over my shoulder constantly, half expecting some kind of horror to jump out at me from around the corner at the grocery store.

I ache for the past, the hole that's been created by this trauma consumes me.

Slowly I rise off the floor and look around the kitchen. My eyes instantly go to the wooden block that contains the knives. Fear flashes through my mind, but I push past it and get my knees under me and become eye level with the counter. I stare at the knives.

I think about how easy it would be. It would make all the pain and emptiness go away, besides Tamlin doesn't even notice what's been happening to me, so why would he care?

I grasp the edge of the counter and use it to hoist myself the rest of the way to my feet. I take one of the larger knives in my hand, pull it free of its wooden prison, and stare at the gleaming metal. In it I can see the reflection of my own face; the wet, red face of a little girl drowning in pain.

I look down at where the denim of my shorts end. The yellow light of the summer sunset makes my skin look deep tan, like it's not even mine. I place the flat side of the cold blade against my leg and flinch at the contrast to the sweltering heat oozing through the entire house.

I stare at the silver object. I then take a deep breath, shift the knife so the sharp side is against my skin, and draw it across my thigh. A thin red line appears on my skin. I swallow, reposition, and do it again, putting more force behind it. I am greeted by the redness of my blood, and the pain of the cut.

I focus on the pain, I allow it to pull me away from the ache of the emptiness of my life. I allow it to pull me away from the loss of my freedom, the loss of my entire personality. But I find that once the cut is made, the pain fades, and the ache returns.

So, I do it again. And again. I do it until there are five neat lines down the top of my thigh. My knife is now covered in blood and the crimson liquid has begun to pool beneath my foot.

I drop the knife into the sink and lean against the counter. I close my eyes and let myself focus on the feeling of the blood, and the recall the sting of the cuts. It pulls me away from reality.

I stand in silence until time no longer has meaning. But I am ripped out of my reviver by a bang at the interior door.

I look over at my knife, down at my leg and the pool of blood, then shrug and step over to the door. Deciding in that instant that I truly do not care if Tamlin sees what his abuse has done to me. I unlock the door and pull it open before returning to my previous position.

Lucien steps into the room and looks at me. He looks at me, then down to the floor where my blood is, then back up to me. He then walks over to the refrigerator, opens the door, and pulls out two bottles of Keystone Light, twists the tops off both of them, then hands me one.

I just nod and takes a swig. He nods back and starts chugging.

* * *

I cringe as I feel Rhys freeze. I know what my new boyfriend has just discovered and based on the way that Rhys has started to shake, I'm guessing that he's none too happy about it.

Rhys sits up on his knees, not moving his hands from their place on my thighs. Rhys swallows and takes a slow breath before opening his eyes and fixing me with a searing gaze. "Tell me these aren't what I think they are." I can hear Rhys' struggle with emotion as he gets the words out.

"What do you think they are?" My voice sounds thin and weak to my ears.

Rhys retracts his hands as if my skin has burned him. "Damn it Feyre." Rhys then climbs off me. The instant he takes his hands away, I feel my skin call out for his warmth. I am suddenly struck with how alone I feel without him touching me. "Did he do this to you?"

I shake my head. "No, he didn't. I did."

When his eyes meet mine, the pain and panic that I see there shocks me.

"Why?" His voice cracks, and my heart breaks at the sound.

"I don't know why."

He runs his hands over his face and through his hair. "Feyre."

"I don't know Rhys. It took me away from the pain and the trauma that I didn't know how to deal with."

"Took?"

"What?"

"You just said took. As in past tense. As in you're not doing this anymore."

"I'm not."

"You swear?"

I nod.

I watch as the relief washes over him. He comes back to me and falls to his knees in front of where I am now sitting. He takes my hands in his and places kisses on each of my singular fingertips, then both the front and back of my palm. He does this for first my right hand, then my left. As he does this, tears start working their way down my face. It's such a simple gesture, but it means more than he can ever know to me.

Once he's done he untangles his hands from mine and cups my face. He wipes away my tears with his thumbs.

"I was alone and hurting. And I just wanted to stop thinking about what happened with Amarantha for just a few minutes." He nods, rises slightly and places a kiss on my forehead.

"I know love, I know. I went through a similar experience."

"You were trying to forget about Amarantha?"

"I was trying to forget about the fact that you were with Tamlin and not me." I blink in surprise. I have no idea what to say after this confession of his. "Only my solution was to binge drink with Cassian until I had to go to the hospital."

"You were hospitalized?"

"Four times. Would've been five, but then at the wedding, I saw you and I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to get you out of there."

"You went to the wedding to get drunk?"

He leans back slightly and looks into my eyes. "I went to the wedding to let you go. Getting drunk was just part of the process."

 **A.N.:** Hey so R&R! And, as usual A.J. I've got a question for all of you lovely readers! Okay, so first context: I kind of want to write about how Elain and Azriel got together and their lives in this AU, and I'm toying with the idea of a spin-off fanfic. So here's the question, would you want me to create another story so that those chapters are separate from this story, or would you like it if I just kind of started sticking them inside of this one every so often?


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but my own interpretation and AU. Everything else belongs to the lovely Sarah J. Maas

 **A.N.** School is hard, I'm not sorry about the slow posting. Honestly, I would be sorry if I felt like anyone actually paid attention to this story anymore, but I feel like this story has moved to everyone's backburner as well as mine. If I'm wrong, please feel free to correct me in a comment or a pm! Anyway, here's something. I've got some new stuff happening in this chapter, so be warned.

 **New Information**

I can hear the music through the door as we stand outside of it. Leo meets my eyes and gives me a sheepish smile.

"Is this really necessary?" I gesture at the door.

"He does it every year. You know Cass, go big or go home."

"But she's eleven. How big of a party does it need to be?"

"Well she doesn't have any friends her age because of the whole figure skating thing, so Cass tries to compensate for the lack of children."

"Is it just the two of them in there?"

"No, there'll at least be us, and Azriel and Elain"

I glare at him.

He laughs. "It's going to be fine, I promise. We are not going to be lonely, and if you don't know who someone is, just ask."

"But," I stop in my protest as I see my sister and Azriel come up behind Rhys.

"Hey, you ready to party?" Elain shimmies her shoulders at me as she says it. I smile.

"Yeah, but I don't know how much of a party it will be, what with the eleven-year-old and all."

"Ehh, these shindigs can get pretty crazy. Two years ago, the cops came and shut us down." I'm shocked to hear the word "Shindig" come out of Azriel's mouth. He always seemed so sophisticated.

"The cops shut down a nine-year-old's birthday party?"

"And arrested the clown." I take a step away from them.

"Oh, now that's a lie."

Rhys puts his hand on his chest in mock offense. "We never lie about Cheerio."

"Cheerio? His name was Cheerio?"

"Yes, Cheerio. The infamous clown who terrorized Graham and has resulted in our having to take him to an extremely expensive child psychologist."

"That's why your toddler sees a child psychologist?"

"Yup. It's all thanks the Cheerio."

"Jesus."

Rhys laughs and then knocks on the door in front of us. It is almost instantly yanked open, and I am greeted by the image of a grinning Cassian.

"You're all here!" He exclaims, surveying the four of us.

I just smile back at him and nod.

"Well come on in!"

I shift the large present in my hands and follow him into the room. He pulls the box out of my hands, and then collects the other presents from Azriel. Whilst doing this, Cassian is rapidly introducing us to everyone else in the room. I am surprised by the large number of people Cass has managed to fit into his relatively small apartment. And I somehow manage to catch everyone's name, but no faces. By the end of the introductions, my head is swimming from the sensation overload.

The place is covered in decorative streamers and balloons, that range in no less than a dozen colors. The music is so loud that I can physically feel the vibrations from the sound waves.

At some point Rhys starts leading me around the room. I say hello to everyone I see and pass up a surprising number of drink offers. It takes a few minutes, but I eventually get to the point where I can just stand and stare at my niece.

I haven't spent a lot of time with her. She's a competitive figure skater, and that seems to keep her incredibly busy. I did once attend one of her competitions, but even then, I only saw her from a great distance.

She looks like Nesta with Cassian's coloring. Her dark hair and olive skin mark her as his. But she has the high cheekbones and natural grace that I always thought belonged entirely to my eldest sister. She's in a navy-blue dress, and she's got one of those humorously large silver tiaras' that they give to those girls who win beauty pageants on her head. There's a huge grin on her pretty face, and I see why all these people have come to celebrate her birth.

I walk over to her and reach out a hand for her to shake. "Hi. I'm your aunt Feyre." She completely bypasses my hand and hugs me. She hugs me tighter than I expect, and I find myself breathless.

She pulls away from me just far enough to meet my gaze. "Hi! I'm your niece, Tali."

She releases me as quickly as she grabbed me, and then she turns back to a girl who looks about her age, pulling her across the room. All I can do is stare after her. She moves like Nesta. I have no idea how, but she does.

Cassian comes up from behind me and bumps my shoulder. "So, what do you think of my girl?"

I look up and smile at him. "She seems great Cass."

He squints his hazel eyes at me. "You're holding something back. What is it?"

I sigh, and recognize that stubborn glint in his eye, the one that means that I'm not going to get out of this social interaction without forfeiting all my thoughts, feelings, and emotional outpourings. "She just reminds me of Nesta is all."

"Why? She say something rude? Because if she did Feyre don't you worry, I'll whoop that kid, doesn't matter if it's her birthday or not."

I let out a light laugh. "No, she was perfect. It's just." I trail off and look deep into his no-longer squinting hazel eyes. "She looks like Nesta with your coloring."

Cass runs a hand over his chin. "Yeah. She does, especially in the face. That's all Nesta."

I feel myself start to relax into the conversation. "Exactly! And there's something about the way she carries herself. Like, Nesta used to walk around like she owned everything."

Cassian lets out a good laugh at that. "I promise Tali doesn't think she owns everything. She walks like that because she's been skating since before, she could walk."

"Yeah, how did that happen? Like, how did she get in to that whole figure skating scene?"

"What, did Rhys not tell you?" I shake my head. "I used to play for the Rangers."

"Wait the Rangers Rangers?"

He scoffs. "Yeah Feyre. Those Rangers. I was still playing when Tali showed up on the scene. I know at least some of our friends think it's why she took to the ice so well. I'm surprised Rhys never told you."

"When did you stop playing for them?"

"Ehh, about five or six years ago now? Why do you ask?"

"Oh, just curious about this portion of your life that I knew nothing about."

He smiles at me and raises a singular eyebrow. "Oh Feyre, there are some portions of my life that would make your head spin."

"More than you having a secret kid with my sister?"

A lesser man would've cringed away from me at the comment, Cassian just gives me one of those lop-sided grins of his. "Touché."

 **A.N.** Reviews are always appreciated, and they definitely make me feel guilty for not writing, so if you want more content, comment! Also just wanted to say a quick thanks as we've passed the 2 year mark on this story. If you've been here since the beginning, or just sat and binge-read all 15 chapters, thanks for the attention, I do really appreciate it. Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day I guess.


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